Here's what happens when you give a microphone to idiots. The past week had some pretty public arguments that once again had the rest of us overreacting. And, at the end of each day, you dissect it all and you're left with Porgy's plenty of nuthin'.
Take, for instance, the now celebrated and overly analyzed skirmish between CNBC's financial comedian Jim Cramer and Comedy Central's nightly comedian Jon Stewart. I will admit to not having seen any of this myself. I have caught Stewart's Daily Show more infrequently than I would like, but I do find it clever when I tune in. Hopefully, Stewart stays with this program for the rest of his life because it finally provides him with the one thing that he has succeeded with in his career. As an actor, he's a piece of wood. As a stand-up, he's a piece of wood. As an Oscar host...yep, a piece of wood. But, here on this one daily program, he's perfect. Still, the entire Cramer-Stewart dialogue was reviewed by me third hand, so I did miss the on-air nuances.
You already know the details. Stewart has taken Cramer to task for making a mockery of what went on with bank executives several months back. And rightfully so. Cramer reacted like the kid who emptied out Grandma's cookie jar. Meanwhile, Stewart is lauded in the media far and wide as doing an outstanding job as a journalist. Sounds like a pretty simple dynamic, right?
Wrong. Okay, let me drill down a bit here. I know a little bit about Jim Cramer as he blew through my work life a while ago. The man is an idiot. In the same way that home fix-it "expert" Bob Vila really couldn't correctly hammer a nail if his life and home depended on it, I wouldn't let Jim Cramer near my Jelly Belly dispenser let alone my 401K. He's put out there on CNBC because he's a buffoon not because he has any creditability. After all, take a quick snapshot of NBC's two cable "news" networks. They are an embarrassment as they mix in quick helpings of so-called newsmen Tom Brokaw and Brian Williams amongst the other lunatics like Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews. Everyone winds up dirtied while Chet Huntley and David Brinkley do one more flip turn in their caskets.
In taking on Jim Cramer, Stewart has chosen the easiest street fight in the neighborhood. By engaging Cramer in a battle of wits, the only simpler battle would be trying to argue politics with an Alzheimer's patient in the local nursing home. It's very easier to win a footrace when the other kid is in a wheelchair. Jon, if you want to push yourself to a new standard as an interviewer, please be invite all comers, regardless of size, shape, or mental capacity. Why doesn't he aim higher and ask the White House why they did nothing to prevent AIG from using taxpayers' dollars to award annual bonuses for inept executives? Indeed, we all know that Stewart won't go there because that where's the sledding will be politically muddier. He'll throw up the standard disclaimer. "I'm just a comedian." That doesn't work. Consistency is needed. Do you keep the clown nose on or off?
So, Stewart is no more an unbiased journalist than I am on this blog every Wednesday. Because if he truly wants to make some inroads in this big crazy media-crazy world, he'd counter CNBC and MSNBC as organizations, not just their dumbest and weakest personality Jim Cramer. When Jon Stewart challenges Keith Olbermann for saying things like "George Bush is as bad as Adolf Hitler," then we have a battle I'll tune in for. As a matter of fact, Stewart recently had the other goofball Chris Matthews on to promote his book and the nerf ball questions from Stewart never touched the guy. Enough said. Case closed.
Now, let's move onto the baseball world. And the Boston Red Sox and their knucklehead fans who, months later, still can get Manny Ramirez out of their systems. Most notable are the recent comments from the Bosox' moronic closer, Jonathan Papelbon, who called Manny a "cancer" on the team. 
The IQ-below-sea-level Papelbon, who loves to dance an annoying Irish jig whenever the Red Sox clinch, has always reminded me of the biggest and dumbest kid in your gym class. The asshole who likes to plow you in the head with a dodgeball but he still can't count how many fingers are on his right hand. The fact that any magazine (in this case, Esquire) gives him the time of day or any media access is inexcusable.
But, it doesn't stop with Big Dumb Jon. You see, Boston fans, who have never been mistaken for the Vienna Boys Choir, also can't their fill of thrashing Ramirez long after the whips and chains should have been stowed away on the dungeon wall. Countless letters and e-mails come into the Los Angeles Times reminding Dodger fans that it will be a matter of time before Manny pulls a hammy. We'll be sorry, says Stupid Dodo from Dover, Mass.
Yes, what Ramirez did during his last year in Boston was inexcusable, from dogging it during games to shoving a traveling secretary onto the ground. Wrong and wrong. But, for whatever reason, Manny's found himself in a better place in LA. If Ramirez was a cancerous tumor in Fenway Park, most of those growths don't get bigger unless there's a toxic environment feeding the poison. And maybe that's what the rest of the Bosox are. Let's face it, it was cool when they won their first World Championship in a few centuries. But, since then, they have gotten even bigger and more bloated. Where I used to root for them, I now root against them.
If Red Sox fans are still waxing poisonous about Manny Ramirez' antics, wait till they get a good look at their new righthander Brad Penny, who generally gives up about five hits an inning. Maybe the Red Sox Nation still can't get over the concept that, last fall in the ALCS, Manny might have gotten them the big hit against the Tampa Bay Rays that Jason Bay did not. And if they're still ready to kill themselves over Manny, how will Boston fans react when the LA Lakers beat the Celtics later this spring?
Sure, Manny's on good behavior in LA and that shouldn't negate his bad behavior in Boston. But still, as Joan Rivers always reminds us, the second wife always gets the bigger ring. And, in this baseball marriage, the Red Sox are Debbie Reynolds while the Dodgers are clearly Liz Taylor.
The bottom line on all of this? It's all about perspective. Take a close look at both these discussions and you realize that, while appearing profound at first glance, they are both about ultimately nothing.
Dinner last night: Turkey burger at the NY abode.
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