Who Doesn't Like Pi?

Apparently, I don't. 

Or maybe I do.

I just don't know.

No movie has left me so conflicted on my opinion of it than the new "Life of Pi."  Thumb up?  Nah.  Thumb down?  Nah.

Thumb up my nose?  Likely.

I was led to see this Ang Lee-directed production by some superlative reviews.  One of the movies to beat at next year's Oscars.  It will totally redefine how you look at films.  Oh, and if you have a cold coming on, it will likely disappear by the time you leave your theater.

Critics also heralded that "Life of Pi" is the best use of 3-D in films yet.  Even better than "Avatar," one critic boasts.   Since I thought the latter was a bloated mess, this is not tough competition.  Meanwhile, I went to see "Life of Pi" in 2-D.  Personally, I am never impressed by 3-D imagery.  And those blasted glasses give me a headache after an hour.  So, okay, maybe I didn't fully experience "Life of Pi" to the fullest.  But, in reality, my challenge with the movie is totally story-driven.

If you're as illiterate as I am, you didn't know that "Life of Pi" was a 2001 best selling book by Yann Martel.  I must have missed an entire year's worth of New York Times Book Reviews because that's all new information to me.   Avid fans were perplexed how the story could be effectively translated to the big screen.  Me?  I had no expectations.

And still don't have any.

Pi is an Indian kid.  Not the "Pow Wow the Indian Boy" type of Indian.  More like the "how can I provide you with excellent customer service" type of Indian.  As he grows up, we learn that he is sampling different religions.  For a while, he's Catholic.  Then, he's a Hindu.  Suddenly, he's a Muslim.   I guess I should be offended that he never got around to be a Lutheran, but that's just me.

Meanwhile, the kid's got that weird name and it's not because he's a math wizard.  (Show of hands from all who remember that Pi equals 3.14)  Pi is short for Piscine, which his school chums naturally translate to the slang word for "bladder emptying."  So, whether you're in Mount Vernon, New York, or New Delhi, India, kids in your class can be just plain cruel.

Besides the funky name, Pi's also got some loopy family dynamic and they own a zoo.  Gee, what next door neighbor doesn't?  Well, I guess zoogoing in India isn't all that lucrative so the family opts to move to Canada and take the animals on a boat with them?  Gee, what prospective animal seller doesn't?  All of this is related in a narration by Pi in present time to some author and you still don't know if this guy's working for the local newspaper or the Canadian version of the Board of Health.  I mean, transporting wild beasts to a foreign country must require some form of permit, right?

If you've seen the trailer for "Life of Pi," you know the ship runs into what might have been Hurricane Sandy.  The boat sinks and all that's left in a lifeboat is Pi, a Bengal tiger named Richard Parker, a zebra, a hyena, and an orangutan.  Don't get too attached to the latter three as they wind up as a Boston Market buffet, because, after all, Bengal tigers do need their protein.  If you're looking for cutesy zoo antics that Betty White would coo over, go see a Disney movie.  These animals are carnivors.

So, the main part of the movie is all about the stalemate and showdown between Pi and Richard Parker.  Pi is relegated to floating nearby on a self-constructed raft.  The tiger gets the deluxe accommodations on the lifeboat and is not likely to share his luxury with Pi.  How these two learn to get along through such calamities as starvation, weather systems, flying fish, and a mis-managed Mitt Romney campaign is what comprises the bulk of the film.  Eventually, they wind up on some island and Gilligan is nowhere to be found.  There are, however, thousands and thousands of meerkats and it looks like an open audition call for the road company of "The Lion King." 

Given that it's unlikely for thousands and thousands of meerkats to reside on our planet, you can imagine that most of "Life of Pi" features computer graphics.  That said, the animals do look real enough for some genuine scares that naturally evolve.  But, even with the ferociousness of the tiger, all of the movie looks beautiful.  The water, although turbulent, is magnificent.  The stars in the sky are wonderful.  There is not a single shot that Ang Lee resists from turning into a painting that could hang in the Louvre.  The film is irresistably eye-catching.

But, then there's the ending. 

As Pi of 2012 tells his tale to that writer who we still don't what he writes for, you realize there is something amiss to his saga.  Indeed, you've just spent almost two hours at sea and you learn that nothing may have been what you just saw.  Was it real or was it Memorex?  You are led to believe that, perhaps, this may been slightly concocted.  And, with this indecision, the audience receives the biggest letdown since Bobby Ewing got out of the shower and we learned that an entire season of "Dallas" was a dream.

As a result, "Life of Pi" then goes down with the ship full of animals.  You are left with an unsettled feeling that gives you something to think about.  But it all doesn't provide the closure you desperately want after investing your time and your emotions in a movie.  I don't think I was alone.  Given the craftsmanship of the film, you would expect a Los Angeles movie audience to applaud at the end.  The crowd I was with sat in utter silence.  And simply exited the theater quietly.

The day after I saw "Life of Pi," I saw some friends who had also seen the film the night before.  They all felt the same way.  Cheated. 

Which just goes to prove that you can have too much Pi.

Dinner last night:  Leftover pork loin and vegetables.