These days, we await autumn because that's when the studios start to give us decent movies. Fingers crossed. It's still a challenge to find a decent flick for a Saturday night out.
You know the drill, gang. I'll sift through the LA Times movie pages and give you my gut reaction to the crap that's unleashed this weekend. Maybe we should all stay home and wait for the next Dr, Kildare adventure on TCM.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: If only we could all retreat to a shell.
The November Man: Pierce Brosnan dusted off one more time. No one under 50 is interested.
Let's Be Cops: It's a comedy so obviously not set in Ferguson, Missouri.
Magic in the Moonlight: Woody Allen's latest was dismissed as mediocre. I think this film is better than that. And, these days, a mediocre Woody is better than anything else.
Lucy: Scarlett Johansson is in the title role. Not sure who is playing Ethel.
The Hundred-Foot Journey: About an Indian chef. I hate Indian food. The journey is no feet for me.
If I Stay: A dying teen in love. If I go? Unlikely.
Cantinflas: Reviewed here recently. Strictly for those fans of the Mexican comic.
Guardians of the Galaxy: The big box office winner in a dreary summer. Except it never got my money.
Love is Strange: John Lithgow and Alfred Molina as an aging gay couple looking to legalize their union. Well, with these two actors, this is a relationship not based on looks.
Life of Crime: Two common criminals get more than they bargained for after kidnapping the wife of a corrupt real-estate developer who shows no interest in paying the $1 million dollar ransom for her safe return. Jennifer Aniston is the wife. Heck, I'll throw in twenty bucks.
Calvary: A tortured priest is threatened during a confession. Say five "Hail Marys" and see me next week.
My Old Lady: A man inherits a Paris apartment and can't budge the old tenant. Starring Maggie Smith who I like and Kevin Kline who I don't.
Dolphin Tale 2: There was a Dolphin Tale 1???
Boyhood: I've heard raves and big negatives about this 3 hour movie that was twelve years in the making. So, it's a big roll of the dice. You'll either love or hate it.
The Skeleton Twins: Bill Hader and Kristin Wiig are estranged twins. Seriously.
The Expendables 3: Every aging male actor in the business is in this action movie. Viagra available on the Craft Services table.
The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby - Them: The Beatles song wasn't enough?
No Good Deed: Goes unpunished. End of movie.
The Drop: Local gangsters mix it up with a lonely bartender. Noteworthy because it is officially James Gandolfini's last time on screen.
Frank: Michael Fassbender as a musician with a fake head. Five dirty jokes just deleted.
Sin City - A Dame to Kill For: Back in the day for me, that would have been Barbara Feldon. Or Karen Valentine. Or Angela Cartwright.
Thunder and the House of Magic: A cartoon about a cat wandering around a magical mansion. I'm allergic. Achoo.
The Last of Robin Hood: Kevin Kline again! This time as actor Errol Flynn. This sounds mildly interesting but the Kline name will keep me away. Have I mentioned that I don't like him?
Frontera: Ed Harris and Eva Longoria in a tale about illegally crossing the US-Mexico border. Not being released in either Texas or Arizona.
No No: A Dockumentary: Now this is across the plate for me. A documentary about Dock Ellis, the Pittsburgh Pirate pitcher who tossed a no-hitter while on LSD.
Last Weekend: An affluent matriarch gathers her dysfunctional family for a Labor Day weekend at Lake Tahoe. Hey, my family was dysfunctional. We got as far as the back yard.
Kabbalah Me: The Jewish version of Despicable Me?
The Notebook: Just in case you were worried, this is not the re-release of that dreary love story. This is about siblings coping on the Hungarian border during WWII. And this sounds worse.
The Longest Week: A wealthy slacker in love with his best friend's girlfiend. Olivia Wilde is in this. Pass.
Starred Up: Father and son convicts in jail. Gee, I bet my dad can rape your dad in the prison shower.
Innocence: An exclusive prep school with a dark secret. My guess is that we should skip the junior prom.
The Giver: In a seemingly perfect community, without war, pain, suffering, differences or choice, a young boy is chosen to learn from an elderly man about the true pain and pleasure of the "real" world. It stars Jeff Bridges and Meryl Streep, so expect scruffy beards and funny European accents.
A Picture of You: Two estranged siblings deal with their recently deceased mother. How many times have I typed the word "siblings" today? Gee, aren't there any movies out about us only children?
A Most Wanted Man: Supposedly the last film of Philip Seymour Hoffman, but I won't believe that until they stop coming for at least two years.
The One I Love: A married couple tries to solve their marital squabbles on a weekend to a sinister place. Probably an in-law's house.
The Trip to Italy: Two men, six meals in six different places on a road trip around Italy. Liguria, Tuscany, Rome, Amalfi and ending in Capri. Possible subtitle: My Dinner with Luigi.
108 Stitches: A misfit college baseball team. Ah, must have been shot at my alma mater Fordham University.
Swearnet: All about an uncensored internet channel. As if anybody is censoring them in the first place.
As Above, So Below: It's billed as a low budget horror mystery. You can start with explaining that stupid title.
The Identical: Twin siblings separated at birth during the Great Depression. Once again, where are the movies about only children???
Into The Storm: A couple of folks chasing tornadoes. Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton star. Wait, that was the movie that came out almost twenty years ago.
Honeymoon: A man finds his wife disoriented on their wedding night. Talk about buyers remorse.
Dinner last night: Sandwich and salad.
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