15: ROMAN EMPEROR VITELLIUS IS BORN.
That greasy kid stuff?
1180: MANUEL I KOMNENOS, LAST EMPEROR OF THE KOMNENIAN RESTORATION, DIES. THE BYZANTINE EMPIRE SLIPS INTO TERMINAL DECLINE.
Just like everybody eventually. Look at where America has fallen in 2014.
1664: THE DUTCH REPUBLIC SURRENDERS NEW AMSTERDAM TO ENGLAND.
Who got Old Amsterdam?
1780: BENEDICT ARNOLD FLEES TO BRITISH ARMY LINES WHEN THE ARREST OF BRITISH MAJOR JOHN ANDRE EXPOSES ARNOLD'S PLOT TO SURRENDER WEST POINT.
Oh, he's such a Benedict Arnold.
1789: THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS PASSES THE JUDICIARY ACT WHICH CREATES THE OFFICE OF THE ATTORNEY GENERAL AND ORDERS THE COMPOSITION OF THE SUPREME COURT.
Still a waste to this day.
1841: THE SULTAN OF BRUNEI CEDES SARAWAK TO THE UNITED KINGDOM.
Sarawak sounds like a lefty-hitting outfielder for the Milwaukee Braves.
1846: DURING THE MEXICAN-AMERICAN WAR, GENERAL ZACHARY TAYLOR CAPTURES MONTERREY.
You mean Mexicans and Americans aren't still at war??
1853: ADMIRAL DESPOINTES FORMALLY TAKES POSSESSION OF NEW CALEDONIA IN THE NAME OF FRANCE.
But what about Old Caledonia??
1869: GOLD PRICES PLUMMET AFTER ULYSSES S. GRANT ORDERS THE TREASURY TO SELL LARGE QUANTITIES OF GOLD AFTER JAY GOULD AND JAMES FISK PLOT TO CONTROL THE MARKET.
The earliest version of the evil 1%.
1890: THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS OFFICIALLY RENOUNCES POLYGAMY.
Sorry, Wives #2 through 6.
1896: AUTHOR F. SCOTT FITZGERALD IS BORN.
He's buying first round.
1921: SPORTSCASTER JIM MCKAY IS BORN.
He died in 2008. He was gone. He was all gone.
1921: ACTRESS SHEILA MACRAE IS BORN.
Still not Alice Kramden.
1931: SINGER ANTHONY NEWLEY IS BORN.
Stop the world. He wants to get on.
1932: GANDHI AND DR. B.R. AMBEDKAR AGREE TO THE POONA PACT, WHICH RESERVES SEATS IN THE INDIAN LEGISLATURE FOR THE DEPRESSED CLASSES.
Of which, in India, there are many.
1935: EARL BASCOM AND WELDON BASCOM PRODUCE THE FIRST RODEO EVER HELD OUTDOORS UNDER ELECTRIC LIGHTS IN MISSISSIPPI.
Yee-ha.
1936: PUPPETEER JIM HENSON IS BORN.
And, hence, it's also the birth date of Kermit.
1946: CLARK CLIFFORD AND GEORGE ELSEY, MILITARY ADVISERS TO U.S. PRESIDENT HARRY S. TRUMAN, PRESENT WITH A TOP SECRET REPORT ON THE SOVIET UNION.
If this happened today, it would be leaked on Entertainment Tonight.
1948: THE HONDA MOTOR COMPANY IS FOUNDED.
So how come I never heard of them until the 80s?
1948: ACTOR PHIL HARTMAN IS BORN.
I was three blocks away from where he was shot and killed in 1998.
1957: PRESIDENT DWIGHT EISENHOWER SENDS TROOPS TO LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS, TO ENFORCE DESEGREGATION.
So he didn't just golf?
1962: UNITED STATES COURT OF APPEALS ORDERS THE UNIVERSITY OF MISSISSIPPI TO ADMIT JAMES MEREDITH.
My father was the one who allowed me to go to Fordham.
1968: 60 MINUTES DEBUTS ON CBS.
Hi, I'm Morley Safer...
1969: THE NEW YORK METS WIN THE NATIONAL LEAGUE EASTERN DIVISION TITLE.
"At 9:07......."
1979: COMPUSERVE LAUNCHES THE FIRST CONSUMER INTERNET SERVICE AND THE FIRST E-MAIL SERVICE.
So what was the very first spam?
1991: AUTHOR DR. SEUSS DIES.
The Cat in the Casket.
2005: HURRICANE RITA MAKES LANDFALL IN THE UNITED STATES.
And creates lots of landfill.
Dinner last night: Leftover London broil and vegetables.
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