1066: EDGAR THE AETHELING PROCLAIMED KING OF ENGLAND, BUT NEVER CROWNED. HE REIGNS UNTIL DECEMBER 10, 1066.
Well, that wasn't even worth the moving expenses.
1529: THE SIEGE OF VIENNA ENDS AS THE AUSTRIANS ROUT THE INVADING TURKS, TURNING THE TIDE AGAINST A CENTURY OF CONQUEST BY THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE.
Just the word "Ottoman" puts me to sleep like I was in 10th grade World History.
1582: POPE GREGORY XIII IMPLEMENTS THE GREGORIAN CALENDAR. IN ITALY, POLAND, PORTUGAL, AND SPAIN, OCTOBER 4 IS FOLLOWED DIRECTED BY OCTOBER 15.
And that totally fucks up Hallmark.
1783: THE MONTGOLFIER BROTHERS' HOT AIR BALLOON MARKS THE FIRST HUMAN ASCENT.
It's all descent after that.
1793: QUEEN MARIE ANTOINETTE OF FRANCE IS TRIED AND CONVICTED. SHE IS CONDEMNED TO BE EXECUTED THE NEXT DAY.
Thinking a-head.
1815: NAPOLEON OF FRANCE BEGINS HIS EXILE ON SAINT HELENA.
A bad date to be a leader of France.
1863: THE H.L. HUNLEY, THE FIRST SUBMARINE TO SINK A SHIP, SINKS ITSELF.
Or also a bad date to be a submarine.
1878: THE EDISON ELECTRIC LIGHT COMPANY BEGINS.
Let there be light...and monthly usage charges.
1888: THE "FROM HELL" LETTER SENT BY JACK THE RIPPER IS RECEIVED.
Postage due.
1890: MY GRANDMOTHER IS BORN.
Happy birthday, Grandma.
1894: ALFRED DREYFUS IS ARRESTED FOR SPYING.
Love his Fund.
1909: JOURNALIST ROBERT TROUT IS BORN.
My grandmother trusted him.
1910: AIRSHIP AMERICA LAUNCHED FROM NEW JERSEY IS THE FIRST ATTEMPT TO CROSS THE ATLANTIC IN A POWERED AIRCRAFT.
I see the word "attempt."
1917: DURING WORLD WAR I, DANCER MATA HARI IS EXECUTED FOR SPYING BY THE GERMAN EMPIRE.
So we miss out on our chance to see a movie starring Fred and Mata.
1917: ACTRESS JAN MINER IS BORN.
Madge the Manicurist. You're soaking in it.
1920: AUTHOR MARIO PUZO IS BORN.
He's a genius based on Page 27 of "The Godfather" alone.
1924: BUSINESSMAN LEE IACOCCA IS BORN.
Baby, you can drive my car.
1928: THE AIRSHIP, GRAF ZEPPELIN, COMPLETES ITS FIRST TRANS-ATLANTIC FLIGHT LANDING AT LAKEHURST, NEW JERSEY.
Enjoy the next ten or so years. This won't last.
1937: ACTRESS LINDA LAVIN IS BORN.
Kiss her grits.
1939: THE NEW YORK MUNICIPAL AIRPORT, LATER RENAMED LAGUARDIA, IS DEDICATED.
Dedicated to what? Delays?
1945: THE FORMER PREMIER OF VICHY FRANCE PIERRE LAVAL IS SHOT BY A FIRING SQUAD FOR TREASON.
This French leader, however, gets to keep his head in death.
1951: "I LOVE LUCY" PREMIERES ON CBS TELEVISION.
This should be a national holiday.
1956: FORTRAN, THE FIRST MODERN COMPUTER LANGUAGE, IS SHARED FOR THE FIRST TIME.
No habla Fortran.
1964: SONGWRITER COLE PORTER DIES.
"You're the top." Not any more.
1966: THE BLACK PANTHER PARTY IS CREATED BY HUEY NEWTON AND BOBBY SEALE.
Not Dewey and Louie.
1969: THE MORATORIUM TO END THE WAR IN VIETNAM IS HELD IN WASHINGTON DC AND ACROSS THE US.
On the same day that the Mets were winning Game 4 of the 1969 World Series.
1976: MOB BOSS CARLO GAMBINO DIES.
On Mario Puzo's birthday....fitting.
1989: WAYNE GRETZKY BECOMES THE ALL-TIME LEADING POINTS SCORE IN THE NHL.
Flash in the pan.
1990: SOVIET LEADER MIKHAIL GORBACHEV IS AWARDED THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE FOR HIS EFFORTS TO LESSEN COLD WAR TENSIONS.
Later sold for many rubles on Russian e-Bay.
2003: THE STATEN ISLAND FERRY RUNS INTO A PIER, KILLING 11 PEOPLE AND INJURING 43.
Making dozens later for dinner or work.
2008: THE DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE HAS ITS SECOND WORST DAY IN HISTORY.
So it went down?
2008: ACTRESS EDIE ADAMS DIES.
Saw her once in a super market buying a cart full of Lean Cuisines.
2008: TV HOST JACK NARZ DIES.
The brother of TV host Tom Kennedy.
2010: ACTOR JOHNNY SHEFFIELD DIES.
Me, Tarzan. Him, Boy.
Dinner last night: Chinese chicken salad.
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