539 BC: CYRUS THE GREAT ENTERED THE CAPITAL OF BABYLON AND ALLOWED THE JEWS TO RETURN TO THEIR LAND.
They let them into Babylon, but what about Islip and Lake Ronkonkoma?
312: CONSTANTINE THE GREAT ENTERS ROME AND IS MET WITH POPULAR JUBILATION, WHILE MAXENTIUS' BODY IS FISHED OUT OF THE RIVER AND BEHEADED.
I have no clue who Maxentius is, but it sure does suck to be him.
969: BYZANTINE TROOPS OCCUPY SYRIA.
Looks like it could be a headline for 2014.
1390: THE FIRST TRIAL FOR WITCHCRAFT IN PARIS LEADS TO THE DEATH OF THREE PEOPLE.
But not beheaded.
1422: CHARLES VII OF FRANCE BECOMES KING ALTHOUGH HE WON'T BE CROWNED FOR ANOTHER SEVEN YEARS.
Sounds like his paperwork got stuck in Human Resources.
1618: ADVERTURER WALTER RALEIGH IS BEHEADED FOR CONSPIRING AGAINST THE KING OF ENGLAND.
A lot of good those cigarette redemption coupons are worth.
1658: NAVAL FORCES OF THE DUTCH REPUBLIC DEFEAT THE SWEDES IN THE BATTLE OF THE SOUND.
Two countries you would not expect to be feuding.
1787: MOZART'S OPERA "DON GIOVANNI" IS PERFORMED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN PRAGUE.
How do you say "yawn" in Czech?
1863: EIGHTEEN COUNTRIES MEET IN GENEVA TO FORM THE INTERNATIONAL RED CROSS.
Coffee and donuts were served.
1886: THE FIRST TICKER TAPE PARADE TAKES PLACE IN NEW YORK CITY WHEN OFFICE WORKERS SPONTANEOUSLY THROW TICKER TAPE OUT ONTO THE STREETS WHEN THE STATUE OF LIBERTY IS DEDICATED.
Before everything was saved on the Cloud.
1891: COMIC ACTOR FANNY BRICE IS BORN.
And, in a way, so is Barbra Streisand.
1901: IN AMHERST, MASSACHUSETTS, NURSE JANE TOPPAN IS ARRESTED FOR INJECTING THE DAVIS FAMILY WITH AN OVERDOSE OF MORPHINE.
Well, let's not be hasty. Let's see how many people actually liked the Davis family as neighbors.
1901: LEON CZOLGOSZ, THE ASSASSIN OF PRESIDENT MCKINLEY, IS EXECUTED BY ELECTROCUTION.
Because the local beheader was on vacation.
1911: PUBLISHER JOSEPH PULITZER DIES.
According to his wife, he was no prize.
1921: SECOND TRIAL OF SACCO AND VANZETTI.
Were either of them beheaded?
1922: KING VICTOR EMMANUEL III OF ITALY APPOINTS BENITO MUSSOLINI AS PRIME MINISTER.
For that, Victor should have been beheaded.
1929: THE NEW YORK STOCK EXCHANGE CRASHES IN WHAT WILL BE CALLED "BLACK TUESDAY."
Nowadays, the windows down there don't open.
1942: IN THE UNITED KINGDOM, CLERGY AND POLITICAL FIGURES HOLD A PUBLIC MEETING TO REGISTER OUTRAGE OVER NAZI GERMANY'S PERSECUTION OF JEWS.
Meanwhile, America still hadn't caught on.
1947: ACTOR RICHARD DREYFUSS IS BORN.
Nice fund.
1948: ACTRESS KATE JACKSON IS BORN.
Nice everything.
1957: ISRAEL'S PRIME MINISTER DAVID BEN-GURION AND FIVE OF HIS MINISTERS ARE INJURED WHEN A HAND GRENADE IS TOSSED INTO THE KNESSET.
Nothing has changed years later.
1957: PRODUCER LOUIS B. MAYER DIES.
And people all over Hollywood say "good."
1960: IN LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY, CASSIUS CLAY WINS HIS FIRST PROFESSIONAL FIGHT.
Personally I never ever called him Muhammad Ali. He's as much of a religious icon as I am.
1960: AN AIRPLANE CARRYING THE CAL POLY FOOTBALL TEAM CRASHES ON TAKEOFF IN TOLEDO, OHIO.
So, game called?
1961: SYRIA EXITS FROM THE UNITED ARAB REPUBLIC.
The Middle East has been, is now, and will always be a mess.
1963: ACTOR ADOLPHE MENJOU DIES.
For some reason, my grandmother liked his acting.
1967: MONTREAL'S WORLD FAIR, EXPO 67, CLOSES.
But, in two years, the Montreal Expos will open.
1971: IN MACON, GEORGIA, GUITARIST DUANE ALLMAN IS KILLED IN A MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT.
No longer a ramblin' man.
1994: FRANCISCO MARTIN DURAN FIRES OVER TWO DOZEN SHOTS AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
You missed.
1998: SPACE SHUTTLE DISCOVERY BLASTS OFF WITH 77-YEAR-OLD JOHN GLENN ON BOARD, MAKING THE OLDEST PERSON TO GO INTO SPACE.
Until, of course, Betty White decides to go.
2004: ACTOR VAUGHN MEADER DIES.
Forty one years after his career did.
2008: DELTA AIR LINES MERGES WITH NORTHWEST AIRLINES, CREATING THE WORLD'S LARGEST AIRLINE.
Food still for purchase.
2012: HURRICANE SANDY HITS THE EAST COAST OF THE UNITED STATES, CAUSING GREAT DEVASTATION.
No joke included.
Dinner last night: Bacon and cheese omelet.
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