497 BC: THE FIRST SATURNALIA FESTIVAL WAS CELEBRATED IN ANCIENT ROME.
Is this like that Coachella thing?
920: ROMANOS I LEKAPENOS IS CROWNED CO-EMPEROR OF THE UNDERAGE CONSTANTINE VII.
They both would move to ownership of a diner in Astoria, NY.
942: ASSASSINATION OF WILLIAM I OF NORMANDY.
Paving the way for a William II.
1538: POPE PAUL III EXCOMMUNICATES HENRY VIII OF ENGLAND.
All those wives and stuff.
1577: FRANCIS DRAKE SAILS FROM PLYMOUTH, ENGLAND, ON A SECRET MISSION TO EXPLORE THE PACIFIC COAST OF THE AMERICAS FOR QUEEN ELIZABETH I OF ENGLAND.
The very foreigner to set foot in California. He won't be the last.
1586: GO-YOZEI BECOMES EMPEROR OF JAPAN.
Go Yozei!
1777: DURING THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION, FRANCE FORMALLY RECOGNIZES THE UNITED STATES.
Lucky us.
1819: SIMON BOLIVAR DECLARES THE INDEPENDENCE OF GRAN COLOMBIA IN ANGOSTURA.
Is this how we got Bolivia?
1835: THE GREAT FIRE OF NEW YORK - FIRES LEVEL LOWER MANHATTAN.
No jet liners this time around.
1862: DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, GENERAL ULYSSES GRANT ISSUES GENERAL ORDER NO. 11, EXPELLING JEWS FROM PARTS OF TENNESSEE, MISSISSIPPI, AND KENTUCKY.
And you thought the Nazis were the first villains.
1892: FIRST ISSUE OF VOGUE IS PUBLISHED.
Madonna later steals the word for a song.
1903: THE WRIGHT BROTHERS MAKES THE FIRST CONTROLLED POWERED, HEAVIER-THAN-AIR FLIGHT AT KITTY HAWK, NORTH CAROLINA.
In-flight food available for purchase.
1935: BASEBALL COACH CAL RIPKEN SR. IS BORN.
Boy, is his son a boring baseball commentator or what?
1935: FIRST FLIGHT OF THE DOUGLAS DC-3.
What's the in-flight movie?
1936: POPE FRANCIS IS BORN.
Except he really wasn't Pope Francis then.
1943: ALL CHINESE ARE AGAIN PERMITTED TO BECOME CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES WITH THE REPEALING OF THE ACT OF 1882.
Good. Now there's another choice for Friday night take-out.
1944: WORLD WAR II - THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE - AMERICAN POWS ARE SHOT BY GERMAN TROOPS.
And you thought the Battle of the Bulge was a Weight Watchers promotion.
1945: JOURNALIST CHRIS MATTHEWS IS BORN.
Oooh, there's a thrill up my leg.
1946: ACTOR EUGENE LEVY IS BORN.
One of the brilliant stars of the wonderful SCTV show.
1953: ACTOR BARRY LIVINGSTON IS BORN.
Look at the picture above and remove all head.
1957: BASEBALL PITCHER BOB OJEDA IS BORN.
He started the memorable Game 6 for the Mets in the 1986 World Series.
1957: THE UNITED STATES SUCCESSFULLY LAUNCHES THE FIRST ATLAS BALLISTIC MISSILE AT CAPE CANAVERAL.
Take that, Russkies.
1961: FIRE BREAKS OUT DURING A PERFORMANCE BY THE GRAN CIRCUS NORTE-AMERICANO IN THE CITY OF RIO DE JANEIRO, KILLING MORE THAN 500.
So there's a ticket refund, right?
1969: THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE CLOSES ITS STUDY OF UFOS.
Uh huh. And, oh, yeah, Elvis is really dead.
1989: THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE SIMPSONS AIRS IN THE UNITED STATES.
D'oh!
2005: JOURNALIST JACK ANDERSON DIES.
Now on the Op-Dead page.
2010: BASEBALL PLAYER WALT DROPO DIES.
A bad name for a baseball player.
2010: MOHAMMED BOUAZIZI SETS HIMSELF ON FIRE AND STARTS THE ARAB SPRING.
There's gotta be a better way to make a living.
2011: NORTH KOREAN POLITICIAN KIM JONG-IL DIES.
Because he was il.
Dinner last night: Bratwurst sandwich.
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