326: THE OLD ST. PETER'S BASILICA IS CONSECRATED.
They turned it into orange juice? Oh, wait, I read that wrong.
1105: MAGINULFO IS ELECTED THE ANTIPOPE.
How come we don't have an Antipresident?
1210: POPE INNOCENT III EXCOMMUNICATES ROMAN EMPEROR OTTO IV.
Don't you wish there was a Pope Guilty?
1307: WILLIAM TELL SHOOTS AN APPLE OFF HIS SON'S HEAD.
What a waste of fruit.
1493: CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS FIRST SIGHTS THE ISLAND NOW KNOWN AS PUERTO RICO.
And he's proud of this?
1494: FRENCH KING CHARLES VIII OCCUPIES FLORENCE, ITALY.
There are worse choices to occupy.
1626: ST. PETER'S BASILICA IS CONSECRATED.
It's the new basilica. And no need to repeat the orange juice joke.
1790: THE FUTURE FREDERICK II, THE KING OF PRUSSIA, IS GRANTED A ROYAL PARDON AND RELEASED FROM CONFINEMENT.
So I guess he was royally screwed.
1809: IN A NAVAL ACTION DURING THE NAPOLEONIC WARS, FRENCH FRIGATES DEFEAT BRITISH EAST INDIAMEN IN THE BAY OF BENGAL.
Tigers can swim? Admittedly, a weak joke but I have nothing else.
1865: MARK TWAIN'S SHORT STORY "THE CELEBRATED JUMPING FROG OF CALAVERAS COUNTY" IS PUBLISHED BY THE NEW YORK SATURDAY PRESS.
Wake me when Tom Sawyer shows up.
1883: AMERICAN AND CANADIAN RAILROADS INSTITUTE FIVE STANDARD TIME ZONES, ENDING THE CONFUSION OF LOCAL TIME.
And they still don't run on time.
1903: THE HAY-BUNAU-VARILLA TREATY IS SIGNED BY THE US AND PANAMA, GIVING THE UNITED STATES EXCLUSIVE RIGHTS OVER THE PANAMA CANAL.
If we build it, they will come.
1909: SONGWRITER JOHNNY MERCER IS BORN.
Ac-cent-tchu-ate-ing the positive.
1918: LATVIA DECLARES ITS INDEPENDENCE FROM RUSSIA.
Live and Lat live.
1923: ASTRONAUT ALAN SHEPHERD IS BORN.
First American in space. Not counting Flash Gordon.
1926: GEORGE BERNARD SHAW REFUSES TO ACCEPT THE MONEY FOR HIS NOBEL PRIZE.
Fool.
1928: THE FIRST SOUND CARTOON "STEAMBOAT WILLIE" IS RELEASED BY WALT DISNEY.
Disney calls this date Mickey Mouse's birthday.
1939: ACTRESS BRENDA VACCARO IS BORN.
Sharing it with Mickey.
1940: WORLD WAR II - ADOLF HITLER AND ITALIAN FOREIGN MINISTER GALEAZZO CIANO MEET TO DISCUSS BENITO MUSSOLINI'S DISASTROUS ITALIAN INVASION OF GREECE.
What-a a mess-a.
1942: ACTRESS LINDA EVANS IS BORN.
People totally forget she was on the Big Valley.
1942: ACTRESS SUSAN SULLIVAN IS BORN.
Must be Prime Time Soap Actress Day.
1961: US PRESIDENT JOHN F. KENNEDY SENDS 18,000 MILITARY ADVISORS TO SOUTH VIETNAM.
With 18,000 different opinions.
1963: THE FIRST PUSH-BUTTON TELEPHONE GOES INTO SERVICE.
Weeping for the death of the rotary dial.
1969: BUSINESSMAN JOSEPH P. KENNEDY SR. DIES.
Father of the dead President....and renowned Nazi sympathizer.
1970: US PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON ASKS CONGRESS FOR $155 MILLION IN AID FOR THE CAMBODIAN GOVERNMENT.
And people still are starving in America.
1978: IN JONESTOWN, GUYANA, JIM JONES LED HIS PEOPLES TEMPLE IN A MASS SUICIDE THAT CLAIMED 918 LIVES.
The original drinking of the Kool Aid.
1988: US PRESIDENT RONALD REAGAN SIGNS A BILL INTO LAW ALLOWING THE DEATH PENALTY FOR DRUG TRAFFICKERS.
By his last year in office, I doubt he knew what the hell he was signing.
1991: SHIITE MUSLIM KIDNAPPERS IN LEBANON RELEASE ANGLICAN CHURCH ENVOYS.
That's a lot of shiite.
1994: MUSICIAN CAB CALLOWAY DIES.
Hi-de-ho.
1996: A FIRE OCCURS ON A TRAIN TRAVELING THROUGH THE CHANNEL TUNNEL FROM FRANCE TO ENGLAND.
That tunnel is the last place I would want to be in a disaster.
2002: ACTOR JAMES COBURN DIES.
He was one of the people who got out in "The Great Escape." Um, not this time.
Dinner last night: Leftover beef stew.
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