Next Thursday, the Motion Picture Academy will be showing a newly restored and souped-up version of the legendary film "Giant." I will be there. It won't be the first time I've seen this classic on a big screen. But, whenever it does get pulled out for new generations to enjoy, I can never resist. It's a three-hour epic that just doesn't get made anymore.
But that's next Thursday. Now we face a weekend of new horrors perpetrated by Hollywood. Will there be anything for me to see before I get to enjoy the exploits of Bick Benedict and Jett Rink one more time? You know the drill by now, gang. I will sift through the movie pages of the LA Times and give you my gut reaction to the junk being left on our cineplexes' front door steps. I can only imagine.
In the meantime, I am waiting for another round of "Giant." Gee, it's fun to live here.
The Lobster: It sounds weird. Don't bother with the butter.
Maggie's Plan: Blog review coming. Plan to skip it. The movie, not the review.
De Palma: Blog review coming. A compelling documentary on film.
The Conjuring 2: Just when I pledged not to see The Conjuring 1.
Captain America - Civil War: Maybe you should actually read a comic book instead.
Me Before You: Is it something like "i" before "e" except after "c."
Finding Dory: Back in the water with Pixar and Ellen DeGeneres.
Central Intelligence: How can a movie starring Kevin Hart and Dwayne Johnson have the word "intelligence" in the title?
Tickled: A documentary about young men who are tied up and tickled. Sort of like meeting that annoying uncle who used to do the same thing to you.
Teenage Mutant Turtles - Out of the Shadows: Proud to say that I know no one who would see this.
Now You See Me 2: I saw the first one. Now I don't see the next one.
Alice Through the Looking Glass: LSD optional.
Love and Friendship: Oil and water.
A Bigger Splash: Melissa McCarthy diving into a pool?
Clown: The costume a dad wears for a kid's birthday party turns sinister. And probably shrinks after the first washing.
The Witness: A documentary on the 1964 Queens murder of Kitty Genovese. I'll see the movie. But I didn't see anything that happened.
Raiders! The Story of the Greatest Fan Film Ever Made: A documentary about three 11-year-olds who do a shot-by-shot recreation of "Raiders of the Lost Ark." This sounds oddly interesting.
The Angry Birds Movie: Are these the same birds who shit on your windshield after you just had your car washed?
Careful What You Wish: Like this movie?
Blackway: Anthony Hopkins as a retired logger. Seriously? That's the logline that got this sold?
Genius: All about the publisher who worked with writer Thomas Wolfe. Nudge me when it's over.
Keanu: It's got nothing to do with the actor but the title alone is enough to keep me away.
The Meddler: Still around for you to avoid like a dirty toilet seat.
Neighbors 2 - Sorority: Oh, hell, no.
Money Monster: Reviewed here recently and there are worse movies you could see.
The Nice Guys: Blog review coming. Hint: it was disappointing.
X Men - Apocalypse: Hollywood destroys the world...again.
Popstar - Never Stop Never Stopping: Strictly for Andy Samberg fans. You two know who you are.
Puerto Ricans in Paris: Mon dieu!
Warcraft: The trailer was nothing but CGI. Control. Alt. Delete.
Weiner: Just reviewed here and yes, he is. A weiner, that is.
Dinner last night: Chopped kale and Brussels sprouts.