First of 52 Wednesdays in 2008

If you haven't been nasty yet in 2008, let me be the first to draw you in.

---For the first time in many years, I stayed in for New Year's Eve. The lingering cough, which sets off nightly at 9:42PM, made party going a non-issue.

---"Who brought the guy with tuberculosis?"

---I spent the night charging up my new cellphone and learning how to use Bluetooth capabilities.

---Now, unfortunately, I may actually have to talk to people in 2008.

---I got to watch CNN's embarrassing coverage of Times Square with "correspondents" Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin. Kathy announced that she hoped she would get to see somebody hurl in the crowd.

---She didn't have to look further than this viewer.

---CNN had a bizarre scrawl at the bottom of the screen where spouses were sending New Year's wishes to each other.

---Like they're so freakin' lazy to go from one end of the couch to the other.

---Coming in 2008: Virtual Foreplay on VH1.

---It's sad that Dick Clark, dribble and all, was out and I wasn't.

---I know some folks who actually met to mixers on New Year's Eve, which prompted a great comment from my good friend, Mr. Anonymous.

---"If I don't know you yet, I never will."

---The only way I was headed out is if bartenders could do sour apple martinis with codeine.

---All was quiet in my neighborhood till about 12:45AM when some drunk plowed into about ten garbage cans on the next block. For the next hour, all I heard was cars slamming on the brakes to avoid running through the rubbish.

---Another good reason to stay the hell home.

---David Letterman is a genius. Signing a separate WGA agreement. So, he comes back to work with writers and Jay Leno doesn't.

---After all, tons viewers will be tuning in to watch Jay's nightly demonstration of how to take apart a motorcycle engine.

---Can somebody please send those guys who offed that Bhutto lady Oprah's travel itinerary for the month of January?

---I love the fact that they tried to spin that assassination as nothing but a fall on her head.

---Since when are bullets near the brain a congenital defect?

---On two consecutive nights while watching classic film double features at the Aero Theater in Santa Monica, I ran into Brian Benben.

---Who?

---You know the guy from "Dream On?"

---What's that?

---That HBO series from the early 90s.

---Brian who?

---You know who I mean.

---Who?!!

---Oh, screw it. The big question to me was where was his wife Madeleine Stowe. That would be the real attraction.

---Who needs Brian Benben? If I wanted to see a receding hairline, I would just call up one of my friends.

---Show of hands please for anybody who watched the Rose Parade.

---I see one all the way in the back.

---There were some high winds in LA on New Year's morning, so I was hoping to see some flower petals parade past my bedroom window thirty miles away.

---2007 New Year's Resolution Flashback: I will attempt to develop a daily writing regimen and perhaps even publish it on-line in a blog.

---Done.

---2008 New Year's Resolution: I will maintain the daily blog writing, but be a little less snarky.

---Dream on!

---Which starred Brian Benben.

Dinner last night: Chicken tenders at the Arclight.