There Will Be Wednesday

Don't worry. No bad hats or creepy looking kids in today's post. Just me. On two coasts.

---I scored 26 out of 30 nominations in my Oscar pool. Who the hell thought about that Cate Blanchett movie about some English queen?

---I'm betting Cate didn't even have it down on her sheet.

---And Tommy Lee Jones from that Elah movie? Was that actually shown in theaters? For general admission?

---And Michael Moore got nominated again for Best Documentary with that Sick-o flick-o? With no writers, how will anybody know when to boo?

---Well, the terror threat in this country is officially over. American Airlines has returned to real silverware in business class.

---And I swear that I saw box cutters on sale at a souvenir stand in LAX.

---I feel totally safe on American these days. I understand Al Qeida hates the fact you have to purchase snacks on board.

---Overheard conversation at Baggage Claim in JFK as it took forever to get your stuff. Business Exec 1: "I guess baggage people work a lot slower when the temperature is below 25." Business Exec 2: "Nah, they're all off for the holiday."

---I wish I could say I made that up.

---Oprah on line 2.

---You know you're back in NY when you turn on the radio and you immediately hear an oldie on WCBS-FM. And then they cut to Mr. G with the weather. Aural comfort food.

---Except they have this weird way of introducing him. They play the song from the "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride in Disneyland.

---"Yo ho ho ho, it's the weather with Mr. G."

---If you think the writers strike has prevented any good new comedy from showing up on TV, you have not been watching the Democratic debates. I close my eyes and this could be a Norman Lear sitcom with Bonnie Franklin and Jimmie "JJ" Walker.

---Don't you wish both Hillary and Balack Osama would get down in the mud and end it all in a deathmatch? Inside one of those cages where Bruno Sammartino used to do battle with Gorilla Monsoon.

---And, since I'm listed as an independent voter in California, I get to vote for one of these idiots on Super Tuesday. Although I am counting on a last minute surge to get Adlai Stevenson on the ballot.

---Here's a sure-fire way to make an African-American fidget. Ask them to explain to you why they are voting for Obama Bin Laden.

---I've done this and the results are hilarious. You'll hear all sorts of bizarre rationales.

---"He wears nice suits."

---"He recycles newspapers at home."

---"He prefers Pepsi to Coke."

---All but the obvious. Just say the words. It's okay. I would do the same thing if a White Lutheran Met/Dodger fan was on the ticket.

---Oprah again. Line 3.

---This country can talk till it's green in the face about the commitment to ecology. But, why is it that, every single Sunday, I have to sift through more flyers and coupons to get to the actual newspaper? It's all paper, folks. And trees.

---And now you get into a rental car and advertisements are hanging from the mirror. More paper. More trees.

---Ed Begley Jr. on line 4.

---I was a little chilly Sunday. Watching the Giant-Packer game in frigid temperatures while it was around 50 outside in Los Angeles. I felt a little guilty changing into a sweatshirt.

---Why is it that some players always transcend their team? It's "Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers." And "Brett Favre and the Green Packers."

---When do we get to hear "Eli Manning and the New York Giants?"

---I'm a little confused with the jet lag. Did I hear right? There was an anti-Martin Luther King demonstration conducted by Diana Ross and the white supremacists?

---Speaking of the diva. This just in from my roving LA reporter, Mr. Anonymous. Fresh from her appearance as a Kennedy Center honoree, Miss Ross is spotted in a Ralph's supermarket on the corner of Beverly and Doheny. Pushing a shopping cart containing hot dogs and Cheez-its.

---Just goes to show. Even rich people wearing no make-up can eat like slobs.

Dinner last night: Grilled chicken salad.