Pope Wednesday I

We have to think of a good caption for this picture.

---"Pope Benedict, in the on deck circle, gets ready to greet the Mets' David Wright after his two-run homer."

---"Pope Benedict shows the NY crowd why he loves M&Ms."

---"Pope Benedict runs to catch the Q44 Bus to Queens."

---"Pope Benedict tries to stop the oncoming Q44 Bus to Queens."

---"Pope Benedict announces to the Yankee Stadium crowd: 'No, wait, I got a better one!'"

---"Pope Benedict shows the Manhattan faithful that Tide does remove pit stains."

---Feel free to send me your own suggestions.

---While in New York, the Pope visited the Yonkers seminary which is two minutes from my apartment there. It's bad timing that I wasn't there. I would have put out coffee and an Entenmann's.

---The Pope visiting a seminary??? Joke, joke, joke, who's got the joke???

----Since the Catholic Church has to pay out over 700 million dollars in legal settlements for some of their slap-happy priests, you just know that they're going to start skimping on the wafer portion sizes.

---The Pope's Sunday appearance at a Yankee Stadium mass gave me an epiphany of sorts.

---I suddenly realized that there was actually a weekend during the baseball season where neither New York team was home.

---Shameful. Like when teams have off days on Memorial Day or July 4th.

---Does every single Yankee-Red Sox game have to last longer than four hours?

---New promotion idea: Yankee Bed Sore Ointment Night.

---I can remember when I was a kid and all night games started at 8PM and were over by 10:15PM.

---These days, most people haven't gotten to the head of the concession line until 10:30PM.

---If the Pope was looking to do a miracle while he was in the US, I would like to suggest he visit Andruw Jones.

---The safest wife in all of America has to be Mrs. Andruw Jones. He'll never hit her.

---Great diet idea: You only get to have a snack during a game if Andruw Jones gets a hit.

---You'll look bulimic by Flag Day.

---Heard this great line. The Dodgers look like a marching band in a dead-end alley and the ground is covered with marbles.

---Yesterday was Earth Day. Hope you took a planet to lunch.

---Thank God they are finally getting rid of those plastic cellophane bags in supermarkets. Do you have any idea how many jars of Newman's Tomato Sauce I have lost through the bottom of those suckers?

--- The ideal use for one of those plastic bags requires a handle tie that fits a size 15 neck and the nearby accessibility of any politician.

---Jeez, Earth Day must be like Christmas in the Al Gore household.

---I bet his family and friends all gather around the fireplace, toast some marshmallows, and hear him read his Powerpoint presentation one more time.

---I bet they even dim the lights of that mansion of his, which is apparently one of the biggest energy guzzlers in all of Tennessee.

---Here's how you solve a whole of problems in Los Angeles all at once: Make every street going east or south one way.

---That way, it all become Nevada and Mexico's problem.

---If Hillary Clinton were a cat, yesterday's Pennsylvania primary was Life Number 8.

---I knew Obama had no chance yesterday. The only dark faces in the state are all working in the coal mines.

---They dug up Andrew Lloyd Webber to be this week's American Idol mentor and the kids looked totally uncomfortable relating to this guy. It was as if your science teacher got invited home for dinner.

---Most of the contestants barely knew who he was. I guess there was no rap version of Sunset Boulevard.

Dinner last night: Brisket sandwich at Maria's Italian Kitchen.