As we visually caress a photo of the interior of the wonderful Bruin Theater in Westwood, let's begin our celebration of the summer moviegoing season. Because when it comes to Hollywood, summer doesn't start in late June. They start peddling their wares early in May.
In a public service to you, my cherished readers, I am beginning a two-part series on the films we will be pelted with over the next few months. My gut reaction is based on things I have read, industry buzz, and, in some cases, a trailer. Godspeed to all of us.
MAY
Iron Man: Not to be confused with Blender Man, Cuisnart Girl, or Panini Grill Boy. Another Marvel Comic brought to the big screen with a few wrinkles. One of about 15 Robert Downey movies this summer.
Sex and the City: I am more than a little surprised that this HBO show merited a movie version. But, I did love the show and I'm a little concerned over internet rumors that a character will die. From a fatal fall off a pair of high heels.
Speed Racer: Go, Speed Racer, go. Go, please, go.
Son of Rambow: A kid who thinks he's Sylvester Stallone's movie character. I got nothing.
Savage Grace: A love triangle between a mom, a dad, and their son. If it's the latter two connecting, you might have yourselves a flick. It stars Julianne Moore, which means it could be great or it could suck. And nothing in between.
Made Of Honor: Patrick Dempsey in the ultimate chick flick as a girl's best friend who is in love with the bride. If you're not a fat woman or a gay guy, you have no business whatsoever being in any theater where it's playing.
What Happens in Vegas: Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher trying to get out of a quickie marriage. The trailer looks ridiculous. Reminds me that Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgnine were once married for a grand total of 32 days. Now that I would have liked to watch!
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: We will finally see how well CGI can cover up liver spots.
The Chronicles of Narnia-Prince Caspian: If you want me to see a sequel, you better hope that I saw the original. I didn't. I won't.
The Foot Fist Way: Some junk about a hapless strip-mall tae kwon do instructor. Which makes me wonder. Whatever happened to kung fu star Sonny Chiba? Please discuss.
How The Garcia Girls Spent Their Summer: Probably by hopping a barbed wire fence.
JUNE
The Incredible Hulk: From the looks of the terrible trailer, we all may actually start to miss Bill Bixby.
Wanted: Angelina Jolie trains assassins. And certainly kills any chances of getting me into the theater where it's playing.
The Happening: Another thriller from M. Night Shyamalan, who made one terrific movie (The Sixth Sense) that now seems like it was decades ago. The cinematic version of a one-hit wonder. Like that Japanese song "Sukiyaki."
Kung Fu Panda: I think it's a cartoon with voices that include Jack Black or Dustin Hoffman. Or a Chinese food stand at your local mall's food court.
Encounters at the End of the World: Legendary German director Werner Herzog with a documentary about Antarctica. If they don't have a Major League Baseball franchise, I'm not interested.
Get Smart: Everytime I see a poster or the trailer, a little piece of me dies some more. One of my favorite TV shows is surely murdered before our very eyes. The grossly unfunny Steve Carell as Maxwell Smart?? Not in my lexicon ever. Have I successfully conveyed yet that I think this movie is detestable??? Luckily, there is tons of negative buzz. It was filmed over a year ago. They never keep good movies on the shelf that long.
The Love Guru: Mike Myers dusts off his career to play a Maharishi-type Yogi. I like Myers, but this idea sounded like a scream---40 years ago!!
Wall-E: The very first time I've seen a Pixar trailer that didn't make me want to see the movie. It looks odd and it is apparently almost dialogue-free. Is Disney trying to save money on voiceovers? Something about it just doesn't look right to me. It's their big summer money and should be much, much more inviting.
You Don't Mess with the Zohan: Adam Sandler as an Israeli commando turned hairdresser in love with a Palestinian girl. Co-starring Jimmy Carter as the Beaver.
Next Friday, I will tackle the months of July and August.
Dinner last night: Turkey pastrami reuben at the Cheesecake Factory.
6 comments:
Of course Antarctica has a baseball franchise! Why else would they have hired the legendary Whitey Herzog?
I'm also very glad that I'm not the only one who thinks Steve Carell is the most overrated human being to ever walk the face of the earth.
Interesting sidebar on Carell: Ten years ago when we first got to LA and were doing a table read workshop on a script, one of the actors happened to be Nancy Walls AKA Mrs. Steve Carell. When we delivered the script to their home in Studio City, she was not home. But he was...a nobody who was plopped down on the couch in front of the TV. A complete bum.
How that all has changed in a decade. And I still don't get him.
I disagree with the Bibster. Adam Sandler is actually the most overrated man on Earth. I welcome a debate.
P.S. There are other characters in Wall-E but none made it to the trailer. Odd.
I got dinged on the Adam Sandler bit? Please explain.
You were not dinged. THe comment is there.
About time.
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