Gone With The Wednesday

Frankly, I do give a damn. Maybe that's the problem.

---The Beijing Olympics ended Sunday. By Monday, everybody cleared out. By Tuesday, all the losing Chinese athletes were back in prison.

---China won a lot of gold medals, but just how much cheating went on?

---When I look at those little Chinese girl acrobats, I'm reminded of that hit song from Ringo Starr.

---"You've won gold, you're Chinese, and you're nine."

---Good riddance to that filthy part of the world. They're terrific with special effects, but how many people got shafted out of their homes as a result?

---I'm betting we will see a documentary on those little Chinese girl gymnasts. Woody Allen directing.

---Now all the ridiculousness and media overhype shifts back here. To Denver and Minneapolis for the political conventions.

---If you're part of the population (45%) that will be gnashing their teeth at every word that comes out of the Democrats this week, just know that the other 45% of the population will be doing the same thing next week.

---And 45% plus 45% equals 90%. Which means that whoever is our next President will be automatically turning off more than half the people in the country.

---VP hopeful Senator Joe Biden hails from the state of Delaware. And that means he gets about 156 votes tops.

---They dragged out that now blithering dirtbag Teddy Kennedy and he was happy to announce that all of Massachusett's delegates are going for Adlai Stevenson.

---These conventions are so staged that there is nary a moment of spontaneity. They presented the Obama family as if it was "The Cosby Show" and the Huxtables were getting ready to flush Rudy's dead goldfish down the toilet.

---And speaking of "change," can we spare some for Barack's brother, who's living in some African mudhut?

---Obama's ultra dysfunctional family has more twists and turns than the Hortons on "Days of Our Lives."

---When photographed from certain angles, Obama looks like the race he should really be running is at Santa Anita.

---These conventions are really nothing more than meetings on how to market the candidates. Nothing more than think tanks on Madison Avenue.

---This week, it's "the country is broke and we can fix it."

---Next week, it will be "the country isn't broke and we can fix it."

---I love all the pinheads who are comparing Obama to John F. Kennedy. If they bothered to read up on JFK, they would see that the two are complete opposites.

---Kennedy was a fiscal conservative who actually sat on the fence about civil rights. It was really little brother Bobby who pushed that envelope.

---I just saw a documentary on RFK and, yes, he was a great friend to the Black people in America. He loved them so that he hired them exclusively to spoon out oatmeal to that passel of kids at the breakfast table.

---Obviously with the Kennedys, civil rights and non-discrimination stopped just short of the pantry door.

---I know this for a fact. My grandmother's cousin was a housekeeper for the Kennedys during the 20s. She had a Polish last name. Everything was hunky dorey until that old bag Rose found out she wasn't Catholic.

---Fired immediately.

---What difference do it make how many houses McCann owns? It's all pointless unless they're on either Boardwalk or Park Place.

---And what's up with that new word they invented when the press was talking about Obama's VP pick?

---Vetting.

---What the hell is vetting? Hillary wasn't vetted. Bayh was vetted. Who makes up this shit?

---Is it anything like kvetching? Because I know what that is.

---And I know Hillary probably did kvetch.

---From the Department of Bad Timing: the Dodgers sent their postseason ticket invoice on the day they started a major losing streak.

---And the only chance the Mets have of making the postseason is if they can coax former pitcher Ron Darling out of the broadcast booth.

---Or former pitcher Don Cardwell out of the grave.

---If your kid is going out to college for the first time, they won't be alone. Besides some surly roommate, they will also have plenty of bedbugs keeping them company.

---Yep, those pesky mattress creatures are now infesting college dorms. All because those ecologically minded maniacs won't let them clean the beds with chemicals anymore.

---That and all those folks coming in from other God-foresaken worlds. Give us your tired, your poor, and your eight-legged bugs.

---We need to tell all these people. Go scratch!

---The guy who co-wrote "100 Things to Do Before You Die" passed away at the age of 47.

---I wonder what number he got up to.

Dinner last night: BLT at Cafe 50s.