Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Come Blow Your Wednesday

Vuvuzela, vuvuzela, vuvuzela!

---For the uneducated, that's a 35 point word in Scrabble for horn, horn, horn.

---It's amazing that most people can't spell the easiest of words, yet they have no problem getting this one right.

---It's just as crazy in NY. Bars opened at 9AM because one of the World Cup games was on.

---Just how well does a banana nut muffin go with beer?

---This soccer shit will be over soon, right?

---Separated at birth: Boston Celtic coach Doc Rivers and renowned TV dummy Knucklehead Smiff.

---Actually, they're both dummies.




---By the way, is downtown LA still on fire?

---I can remember the day when, if your team won a championship, you bought a pennant on the way home.

---Now, you steal a pennant on the way home. And break several windows.

---And punch a few people.

---And set a taxicab on fire.

---The American way to say "Yea Team!"

---As I wrote the other day, you will note that this happens mostly with pro basketball.

---Am I profiling? You betcha your boots.

---But, then again, I'm the guy that's anxiously awaiting the introduction of White History Month.

---From the Hmmmmm Department: Eight dead among 52 people shot over the weekend in Chicago.

---Virtually all of them live...drum roll, please...on the South Side.

---Obummer's old stomping grounds.

---As I said...

---Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

---And now please try this video on for size.

---This poor cop is in for it now. Charges of police brutality. Racism. You name it.

---But, when you look at it, can you blame him for doing what he did?

---These two bitches were resisting arrest. Punch in the mouth? She's lucky she didn't get a bullet in the head.

---Maybe it's me, but when a police officer tells me to do something, I do it.

---Hell, even Abbott and Costello used to pay attention to Mike the Cop.

---Maybe Obummer can invite the policeman and these two cows to the White House for a Mountain Dew summit.

---He must have some sort of teachable moment from this video.

---Here's my teachable moment: if this happens again, the cop needs to remember he has a weapon in his holster.

---Only in America...

---But this is a sport I could get into.

---Sock-Her.

---When is Business Class not roomy? When the guy next to you is an obese Mexican who needs one of those "Extend-a-Belts."

---He literally did not fit into a business class seat. He chuckled to me in broken English, "I guess I need to go to a gym."

---Er, Tubby, a gym will do nothing. I'd suggest the following:

---Lapband.

---A lifetime moratorium on breakfast burritos.

---Fasting for six months.

---And definitely stay off most modes of transportation.

---He was served the chicken pot pie for his meal and then called the flight attendant over to announce he thought it was something else.

---It was printed in the menu. How can you confuse chicken pot pie??

---Then, two hours into the flight, Senor Fat Slob decides he wants the aisle seat instead of the window.

---"Let him sit next to the window."

---Him, meaning me.

---I looked at the flight attendant and announced that Him was happy where he was.

---And I certainly wasn't going to move to a seat that his ass had been warming to several degrees short of Hell for two hours.

---As we were landing in LA, he peered out the window. And essentially created a total eclipse over Southern California.

---Meanwhile, it's fun on these flights watching all the goofballs tune in to their wi-fi and watch those flight trackers to see where our plane is.

---Just where the hell do you think the plane would be, dumbbells?

---A fun practical joke would be for one of those websites to make it appear that your plane is flying somewhere over Bolivia.

---The only trouble is that I'd still be in Seat 10H. Next to Two Ton Tamale.

Okay, I've offended enough for today.

Dinner last night: Roast beef sandwich.



1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Why is the phrase "fat Mexican" redundant? What's up with their diet which seems to be lard-based? The fattest of the fat at my last job was...Mexican. She had to be double her normal body weight. Now she's pregnant.

Sounds like your seatmate was an upper crust Mexi. They do exist in Mexico. We only get the poor scrambling over the border.

And then there are the lovely ladies in today's video. Watch the full-length, unbleeped version.
Your ears will melt from the cursing.

I wish the cop had punched both of them. They deserve it. Read up on the criminal records of these teens, including assault charges and car theft! Nice parenting, Black America.

Why is "Black bitch" redundant? Their ghetto attitude can be found from Seattle to Harlem to Chicago's South Side. Very consistent. Comment, Mr. President?