1229: FREDERICK II, HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR, SIGNS A TEN YEAR TRUCE WITH AL-KAMIL, REGAINING JERUSALEM, NAZARETH, AND BETHLEHEM.
I'd walk a mile for Al-Kamil.
1268: THE LIVONIAN BROTHERS OF THE SWORDS ARE DEFEATED IN THE BATTLE OF RAKVERE.
Which means you get February 18 off if you're a Livonian or a Rakverian.
1478: GEORGE, DUKE OF CLARENCE, IS CONVICTED OF TREASON AND EXECUTED IN PRIVATE AT THE TOWER OF LONDON.
Today it would be a sweeps special on Fox.
1546: MARTIN LUTHER DIES.
Thanks to him, I have a church to go to.
1564: PAINTER MICHELANGELO DIES.
Come on down, we've decided to wallpaper.
1766: A MUTINY BY CAPTIVE MALAGASY BEGINS AT SEA ON THE SLAVE SHIP MEERMIN.
Mutiny on the Meermin. Doesn't roll off your tongue like the Clark Gable movie.
1781: CAPTAIN THOMAS SHIRLEY OPENS HIS EXPEDITION AGAINST DUTCH COLONIAL OUTPOSTS ON THE GOLD COAST OF AFRICA.
Don't call him Shirley.
1797: SIR RALPH ABERCROMBY AND A FLEET OF 18 BRITISH WARSHIPS INVADE TRINIDAD.
Any word from Fitch?
1861: IN ALABAMA, JEFFERSON DAVIS IS INAUGURATED AS THE PROVISIONAL PRESIDENT OF THE CONFEDERATE STATE.
So who will be the president of Texas when they secede from the union?
1865: UNION FORCES UNDER GENERAL WILLIAM SHERMAN SET THE SOUTH CAROLINA STATE HOUSE ON FIRE DURING THE BURNING OF COLUMBIA.
Well, there goes the housing market in Columbia.
1885: THE ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN BY MARK TWAIN IS PUBLISHED.
Cliff Notes are out when?
1890: ACTOR ADOLPHE MENJOU IS BORN.
He was in every movie made in the 1930s.
1892: POLITICIAN WENDELL WILLKIE IS BORN.
Nobody Won With Willkie.
1913: PEDRO LASCURAIN BECOMES PRESIDENT OF MEXICO FOR 45 MINUTES---THE SHORTEST TERM OF ANY PRESIDENT OF ANY COUNTRY.
He was double parked.
1919: ACTOR JACK PALANCE IS BORN.
And immediately did ten push-ups.
1920: TV GAME SHOW HOST BILL CULLEN IS BORN.
I'll freeze, Bill.
1925: ACTOR GEORGE KENNEDY IS BORN.
Lord, he's old.
1930: WHILE STUDYING PHOTOGRAPHS, CLYDE TOMBAUGH DISCOVERS PLUTO.
I thought that was Walt Disney.
1930: ELM FARM OLLIE BECOMES THE FIRST COW TO FLY AND BE MILKED IN AN AIRCRAFT.
Talk about your Stupid Pet Tricks.
1933: SINGER (?) YOKO ONO IS BORN.
She killed more Beatles than a can of Raid.
1943: THE NAZIS ARREST THE MEMBERS OF THE WHITE ROSE MOVEMENT.
White Rose? Did they used to make ginger ale?
1943: JOSEPH GOEBBELS DELIVERS HIS SPORTPALAST SPEECH.
And he goebbeled all the way through it.
1954: THE FIRST CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY IS ESTABLISHED IN LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA.
Ironically, this occurs on the same day as...
1954: ACTOR JOHN TRAVOLTA IS BORN.
Who knew???
1957: WALTER JAMES BOLTON BECOMES THE LAST PERSON LEGALLY EXECUTED IN NEW ZEALAND.
I guess the key word here is "legally."
1957: TV STAR VANNA WHITE IS BORN.
H_PP_ _I__HD_Y!
1970: THE CHICAGO SEVEN ARE FOUND NOT GUILTY OF CONSPIRING TO INCITE RIOTS AT THE 1968 DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION.
Yeah, sure.
1977: ACTOR ANDY DEVINE DIES.
Daughter Loretta must be distraught.
1979: SNOW FALLS IN THE SAHARA DESERT FOR THE ONLY TIME IN HISTORY.
Put some snow chains on those camels.
1991: THE IRA EXPLODES BOMBS IN THE EARLY MORNING AT PADDINGTON STATION IN LONDON.
Hope the teddy bear wasn't hurt.
1998: SPORTSCASTER HARRY CARAY DIES.
No formaldehyde needed to preserve him.
2001: SEVEN-TIME NASCAR CHAMPION DALE EARNHARDT DIES IN AN ACCIDENT DURING THE DAYTONA 500.
What color flag do they wave for that?
2006: SINGER BILL COWSILL DIES.
The Rain, The Park, and Death.
Dinner last night: Asian chopped salad.
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