You've heard the routine here before, gang. You're desperately looking for a movie to see and one that doesn't necessarily feature a comic book super hero. So you troll the independent film offerings and read some reviews. Hmmm, that was well received. Off you go.
If you read me regularly, you know that was a monster scenario with such junk as "Hello, My Name is Doris" and the equally dreadful "The Meddler." Okay, so I consider "The Family Fang." Again, some nice notices in the newspapers. And some added hope for me. The movie stars Jason Batemen, who also directed it. I had really enjoyed his debut effort "Bad Words" a few years back. Plus look at the advertisement above. Doesn't that look like fun?
Um, trust me. All the goodness stops with that poster hanging outside the theater. Because once you enter inside, you're screwed.
One more time, we have in "The Family Fang" a film so dark and sinister and nasty that it is completely devoid of any sort of entertainment value. When, in the first five minutes, you meet and discover that all the main characters are mentally ill, it becomes kind of hard to enjoy the next hour and forty five minutes.
Bateman and co-star Nicole Kidman play brother and sister (???!!!) and the children of two insane performance art actors. The dad is portrayed by Christopher Walken and I don't know when he's appeared creepier on screen. Wait, he's always creepy on screen. Never mind.
Well, the criminally and clinically insane Mom and Dad use their kids in all their stunts. Like a bank robbery and a school beauty pageant. It's supposed to get you to guffaw. But you can't because every single character up there is detestable. The script prevents you from getting invested in any of them right from the first reel.
The thread-bare plot has the grown up kids being told that Mom and Dad are likely dead, having been abducted from their blood-spattered car. Heck, even the blood tests show that it's their blood. But Bateman and particularly Kidman are not convinced and they spend the next five reels looking for them.
Since you will be crazy to see this mess, I'm not going to issue a kindly spoiler alert. The parents are obviously alive and the ending is supposed to astound you. But it doesn't. Not in the least. And you feel completely duped by some movie reviewers all over again.
At this rate, the only movie critic you're going to be able to trust moving forward is...well...me.
LEN'S RATING: One-half star.
Dinner last night: Leftover roast chicken and vegetables.
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