And now, on this May 2016 weekend, we're searching, too. For something decent to see. Knowing fully well that we won't find anything the caliber of "The Searchers." You know the drill, peeps. I'll wander through the movie pages of the Los Angeles Times and give you my gut reaction to the junk currently unspooling at your local cinema.
Or maybe you just get yourself a Blu Ray of the movie shown above and have yourself a great night on the couch.
The Angry Birds Movie: Angry birds tend to shit on newly washed cars.
Money Monster: George Clooney and Julia Roberts directed by Jodie Foster. On names alone, it should get some attention.
The Meddler: Reviewed here recently. Trust me. It wasn't positive.
A Hologram for the King: Tom Hanks in a movie that will make zero dollars. See! It can happen to anybody.
How to Plan an Orgy in a Small Town: Hope it doesn't include Aunt Bee.
Viva; Everything you wanted to know about a paper towel?
Captain America - Civil War: Comic books are meant to be read and not seen.
Kill Zone 2: Shucks, I never saw Kill Zone 1.
The Family Fang: Reviewed here recently. Trust me again. It wasn't positive.
A Bigger Splash: What you get when Oprah Winfrey dives into a pool?
The Jungle Book: I hear good things about this reboot of the Disney cartoon reboot of the Sabu movie of the book.
The Lobster: This better come with butter.
Weiner: A documentary about that dopey politician with the....
The Nice Guys: Private eyes in the 70s. For those craving reruns of "Streets of San Francisco."
OK - Made in America: A documentary about you-know-who. Warning: it's over seven hours long!
Neighbors 2 - Sorority: Seth Rogan and Zac Efron and God help us.
Love and Friendship: One of those movies set in old aristocracy that just makes you yawn repeatedly.
The Man Who Knew Infinity: Probably goes on forever.
Mother's Day: Reviewed here recently. Not as bad as the critics made it out to be.
Pele - Birth of a Legend: If you're dying to see a documentary about soccer...
Sing Street: A young man comes of age in 1980s Dublin. Sounds interesting...not.
Back in the Day: A teen gets involved with the mob in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. I don't think we get to meet Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton.
Hard Sell: Snobby teens on Long Island. I see Kristin Chenoweth's name in the cast. She's probably one of the teens' mothers...right???
Maggie's Plan: Greta Gerwig as a young New Yorker in love. Aren't they all?
Manhattan Night: Adrien Brody as a tabloid journalist. Investigating Donal Trump no doubt.
A Monster with a Thousand Heads: Here comes another Donald Trump reference.
Welcome to Happiness: A children's book author rents an apartment with a magical portal. Back in the day, this was called a dumb waiter.
Barbershop - The Next Cut: Spend the money and go to a stylist instead.
The Congressman: Treat Williams in a true story about a US congressman. Okay, in which reel does he cheat on his wife?
The Darkness: Kevin Bacon stars in this story about supernatural stuff in the Grand Canyon, which means there's a bunch of actors in the cast who are now part of that six degrees game.
The Huntsman - Winter's War: I still don't know what this Huntsman series is about.
Divine Access: A minister is embarrassed on public access TV. Probably happens every day in the Midwest.
High Rise: Virtual class warfare in a big apartment building. Bernie Sanders cameo?
I Am Wraith: John Travolta stars. Three words that should scare anybody.
Keanu: It ain't about him.
Most Likely to Die: Actually that would be all of us.
Dinner last night: Steak and pasta salad.
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