What Happens When The Church Bulletin Proof Reader Goes on Vacation

"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery down stairs."

"Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children."

"The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church."

"Evening massage - 6 p.m."

"The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession."

"Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door."

"Ushers will eat latecomers."

"Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice."

"Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."

"A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."

"Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary."

"The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday."

"Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance."

"The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel."

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands."

"Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons."

"Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."

"Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King."

"Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days."

"If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly."

"A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife."

Dinner last night:  Had a big late lunch so nothing really.