It Will Be Wednesday with Gusts Up to 70 MPH

Not sure what it's like where you are, but it's sunny and almost 80 degrees in Los Angeles.

---Pro football season started for me last weekend. I finally watched a game. After all, there's a New York team in the playoffs.

---The Giants look good, but a team has to run down the clock better than they did. When you are ahead and you get the ball with two minutes left in the game, you can't let the other team get one more shot at a touchdown.

---Towards the end of the game, the Giants offense had about as much movement as a nursing home during a Dulcolax shortage.

---I loved watching that Dallas Cowboy Terrell Owens cry after the game. There's something fun about seeing a guy, wearing a $30,000 earring, with crocodile tears.

---Then, he probably got into his Jaguar and drove to his 20 million dollar home to do some more sulking.

---Now, I'll watch the game in Green Bay next weekend. Just to see a bunch of Midwestern idiots get frostbite in zero degree temperatures with snow piling up in the holes of those swiss cheese hats.

---By the way, this just in: Joe Namath has guaranteed that there will be another Jet victory---sometime.

---I went shopping for a new comforter and it was nearly impossible. How come they all look like they belong on King Farouk's bed?

---When were solid colors banned from our country?

---If you've been having sleep issues, you should have watched the Golden Globes award announcement on Sunday night.

---Unless, of course, you get really amped up watching Mary Hart open her electric bill.

---Nobody cares about the freakin' Golden Globe winners anyway. The only reason anybody tunes in is to watch a liquored up celebrity accept an award with toilet tissue stuck to his or her shoe.

---Plus the awards are decided by 82 foreign correspondents who are here on work visas.

---And probably buying all those butt ugly comforters I saw at Macy's.

---Do any of my contemporaries remember this? When I was a kid, every January, there would be TV announcements that advised all aliens to report their current addresses to the government.

---We stopped doing this? When? And, more importantly, why???

---All the aliens in this country would need six months to get their acts together. And, by sending in home addresses, I am guessing whatever computer server the government would use probably crashes.

---This is the autoreply if I ran the country. "Thank you for considering America as your country. Right now, we are not taking new applicants. But, we will place you on the waiting list in the event something opens up around the year 2019."

---But, we will never close the doors. To quote my good friend, Mr. Anonymous, "Welcome to America. Here's your booth. Here's your stool."

---I went to see "There Will Be Blood" on Saturday night. I'll let you know what I think when it's over.

---Geez, did the film editors go on strike, too? I was at the Arclight longer than the night staff was on duty.

---You get an idea of how f-ed up Congress is when you hear them butchering names at the first day of the steroids investigation. Commissioner Selleck? Somebody tell them that the Commissioner is not the guy wearing the Detroit Tigers hat.

---American Idol started up with their audition round, proving once again that most people in this country now entertain delusions of mediocrity.

---And also you realize how many parents give their kids weird ass names. There was one young girl named Temptress.

---Of course, Mom was a real lulu, too. One of those "full-figured" women who can only get out of the house if they remove a wall.

---Instead of inventing dopey names for her kids, she ought to be spending time finding out where the cottage cheese aisle is at the local A & P.

---I often wonder if anybody bothered to check a mirror before they headed out of the womb.

Dinner last night: Homemade tomato soup and liverwurst sandwich.