Let's hop into the Buick, pull the speaker off the pole, and have ourselves a time.
If you're picking a movie for your Saturday night viewing pleasure, let me help to sort out the dirty details. Using the LA Times movie listings, let's see what's out there. My knee-jerk reactions are on the way.
Wall-E: I saw it and was strangely underwhelmed. The first half-hour where he is trapped on Earth is incredibly charming. Once they move to the space station, it becomes an episode of Star Trek using a fat farm as the cast. Way too much plot. Pixar movies should not be this complicated.
Mamma Mia!: I've already documented how bad this movie is. You're better off dusting off that Abba Greatest Hits CD, stripping down to your underwear, and singing along in your bedroom.
Pineapple Express: More toilet humor and vile language from Seth Rogan, who is perhaps one of the biggest mystery talents that Hollywood has ever given us. Years from now, are we going to hear that France considers him a genius? Send him to Iraq and then blow him up please.
Step Brothers: Speaking of shit, here's one more piece of it from Will Ferrell, also one of the biggest mystery talents that Hollywood has ever given us. I actually heard him, co-star John C. Reilly and the writer-director Adam McKay promoting this on NPR. They were actually touting their movie and belittling our troops in Iraq at the same time. McKay used to work on SNL and that hasn't had a clever moment since Phil Hartman's wife shot him. Send them all to Iraq and then blow them up please.
Brideshead Revisited: Hasn't this been around before? Shouldn't it be Brideshead Revisited Revisited?
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2: I will sadly admit to Netflixing the first one and it was entertaining. I probably would Netflix the second one. But, I would never ever see it in a theater. I don't think think you're admitted to the movie unless you go through an estrogen meter.
Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D: Still lingering like a bad cold. This was either filmed for those stupid glasses that you can't keep on your nose. Or maybe it was filmed in somebody's apartment.
Bottle Shock: A comedy about wine making. Who knew Ernest and Julio were such cut-ups?
Tropic Thunder: Normally I would sneer with disdain at a Ben Stiller/Jack Black comedy. But, the trailer (about actors making a movie in Vietnam) was hilarious. And Robert Downey Jr. playing a Black man has to be a stitch. On my list!
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: What have there been? Eleven or twelve Mummy sequels? Brendan Fraser probably can't even take pictures in his own living room without standing in front of a green screen.
Vicky Cristina Barcelona: Woody Allen, apparently tired of America, makes yet another foreign movie, this time in Spain. When does he do one in China so his wife/daughter can meet the relatives?
Swing Vote: Kevin Costner and that means my ballot says no.
Man On Wire: A documentary on that knucklehead who walked a tightrope between the World Trade Center building back in the 70s. I'd see it, but, frankly, the thought of falling from that height now takes on a whole new meaning.
American Teen: A documentary that follows five teenagers through their senior year someplace in Indiana. I hear that it is incredibly staged and phony. Which probably means the teenagers actually come off as likeable.
The Dark Knight: I still have not gotten there. I will, I will. I promise. I feel like I'm the only one still wearing white tube socks. Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Now they are continuing the saga in cartoons. This saves on the hair dye they would need for Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford. Elegy: Something with Penelope Cruz and Ben Kingsley. The words "carnal desire" are used in one of the ads. That, at least, raises my chin off my chest. A friend of mine used to have the apartment next to Ben in West Hollywood and used to hear him all the time through the walls. Carnal desire, indeed. Fly Me to the Moon: A 3-D cartoon about bugs flying to the moon. Listed among the voices are Buzz Aldrin and Kelly Ripa. Two names I would never ever expect to see in the same sentence. Henry Poole is Here: I will not be there. Hell Ride: Could be a documentary filmed in the back of a NYC cab.
Dinner last night: Salami sandwich.
1 comment:
I am wearing white tube socks, and this is probably the weekend to catch the Caped Crusader.
Tropic Thunder is also on my list. No opening weekends, please.
Blowing up Seth Rogen sounds messy but it would be a public service to moviegoers.
Pixar was on their way to making a great animated movie with WALL-E unntil they get to that damned spaceship and it goes dumb and cartoony. They add hundreds of characters and send the story straight off the rails. Too bad. Shame on Andrew Stanton who should know better.
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