Thursday, May 2, 2013

If I Tweeted - April 2013

I don't, you know.  But, if I did, here's what I would have tweeted last month.

#LenSpeaks  It's April 1 and baseball is back.  All is right with the world.   Until some nutjob from Korea blows it up.

#LenSpeaks  So that's why we fought in the Korean war?   And endured 11 seasons of M*A*S*H*???

#LenSpeaks  Why does Korea want to blast America?  Isn't the fact that Psy is living here enough damage??

#LenSpeaks  If Korea is looking for American bomb targets, let's just offer up Chris Matthews and then let them work backwards.

#LenSpeaks  Or any place where Bill Maher is dining... 

#LenSpeaks  Wondering who is more upset over the death of Roger Ebert?  His wife or Spike Lee?

#LenSpeaks   RIP Jonathan Winters.  A true genius.  Yet, one dopey website listed his main accomplishment as "Mork and Mindy co-star."

#LenSpeaks  My life right now is a Disney theme park.  Going from Fantasyland to Tomorrowland and hopefully never to Frontierland.

#LenSpeaks  Does anybody actually wait until April 15 to do their taxes???

#LenSpeaks  Uh oh, a bomb has gone off at the Boston Marathon.  And one kook on MSNBC immediately says that it's not terrorism?

#LenSpeaks  Watching the coverage from Boston and there's great product placement.  All the cops are standing in front of a Dunkin' Donuts.  

#LenSpeaks  Now they're closing in on two suspects and....surprise...they both have names that score big points in Scrabble.

#LenSpeaks  I'm in New York and riveted to the Boston manhunt.  It's like watching "24 - Season 9."

#LenSpeaks  The city of Boston is in lockdown.  Time to check Stub Hub for good Red Sox tickets.

#LenSpeaks  MSNBC is catching up to all this breaking news.  They just identified Sirhan Sirhan as a possible suspect.

#LenSpeaks  People in Boston are being told not to open their front doors.  Tough day to be a Jehovah's Witness.

#LenSpeaks  Walking into Citi Field, cops check my bag for a bomb.  Meanwhile, have they checked the Met bullpen?

#LenSpeaks  Mets bullpen has somebody named Atchison.  Harvey Girls reference to follow.

#LenSpeaks  Cirque Du Soleil is actually set up in the Mets parking lot.  Meanwhile, inside the ballpark, there is a completely different cirque going on.

#LenSpeaks  Thinking about the new Jackie Robinson movie, when they finally come out with the big screen version of "24," will people with dyslexia think they already saw it?

#LenSpeaks  Watching "Boardwalk Empire" film in the Yonkers train station.   With extras decked out in clothes that once hung in my grandmother's hallway closet.

#LenSpeaks  It's going to be in the 30s for the Mets-Dodger game.  I am bringing so many clothes into Citi Field I should be pushing them in a shopping cart.

#LenSpeaks  Even though no one is in the stadium on a cold night, Mets ushers are guarding the empty field level seats.  

#LenSpeaks  What happened to the days when you could slip an usher twenty bucks to sit behind the dugout?

#LenSpeaks  Flying back to LA, the Asian guy next to me is jostling me endlessly.  I'm going to choke him until he looks like Eddie Cantor.

#LenSpeaks  I thought that less than three people would get that joke.  Amazingly, over ten did.

#LenSpeaks  So there's a gay NBA player.  He's old so that means the Lakers will be interested.

#LenSpeaks  So much hoopla about this guy.  One news service calls him a "NBA star."

#LenSpeaks  Averaging two points a game.  He sits next to the towels on the bench.

#LenSpeaks  Koreans jam into Dodger Stadium on a night when pitcher Ryu is on the mound.  Dogs all over Los Angeles sigh with relief.

#LenSpeaks  RIP Deanna Durbin.  Sending that news to the same people who got the Eddie Cantor joke.

Dinner last night:  Leftover tortellini.

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