I don't, you know. But, if I did, here's what I would have tweeted last month.
#LenSpeaks It's April 1 and baseball is back. All is right with the world. Until some nutjob from Korea blows it up.
#LenSpeaks So that's why we fought in the Korean war? And endured 11 seasons of M*A*S*H*???
#LenSpeaks Why does Korea want to blast America? Isn't the fact that Psy is living here enough damage??
#LenSpeaks If Korea is looking for American bomb targets, let's just offer up Chris Matthews and then let them work backwards.
#LenSpeaks Or any place where Bill Maher is dining...
#LenSpeaks Wondering who is more upset over the death of Roger Ebert? His wife or Spike Lee?
#LenSpeaks RIP Jonathan Winters. A true genius. Yet, one dopey website listed his main accomplishment as "Mork and Mindy co-star."
#LenSpeaks My life right now is a Disney theme park. Going from Fantasyland to Tomorrowland and hopefully never to Frontierland.
#LenSpeaks Does anybody actually wait until April 15 to do their taxes???
#LenSpeaks Uh oh, a bomb has gone off at the Boston Marathon. And one kook on MSNBC immediately says that it's not terrorism?
#LenSpeaks Watching the coverage from Boston and there's great product placement. All the cops are standing in front of a Dunkin' Donuts.
#LenSpeaks Now they're closing in on two suspects and....surprise...they both have names that score big points in Scrabble.
#LenSpeaks I'm in New York and riveted to the Boston manhunt. It's like watching "24 - Season 9."
#LenSpeaks The city of Boston is in lockdown. Time to check Stub Hub for good Red Sox tickets.
#LenSpeaks MSNBC is catching up to all this breaking news. They just identified Sirhan Sirhan as a possible suspect.
#LenSpeaks People in Boston are being told not to open their front doors. Tough day to be a Jehovah's Witness.
#LenSpeaks Walking into Citi Field, cops check my bag for a bomb. Meanwhile, have they checked the Met bullpen?
#LenSpeaks Mets bullpen has somebody named Atchison. Harvey Girls reference to follow.
#LenSpeaks Cirque Du Soleil is actually set up in the Mets parking lot. Meanwhile, inside the ballpark, there is a completely different cirque going on.
#LenSpeaks Thinking about the new Jackie Robinson movie, when they finally come out with the big screen version of "24," will people with dyslexia think they already saw it?
#LenSpeaks Watching "Boardwalk Empire" film in the Yonkers train station. With extras decked out in clothes that once hung in my grandmother's hallway closet.
#LenSpeaks It's going to be in the 30s for the Mets-Dodger game. I am bringing so many clothes into Citi Field I should be pushing them in a shopping cart.
#LenSpeaks Even though no one is in the stadium on a cold night, Mets ushers are guarding the empty field level seats.
#LenSpeaks What happened to the days when you could slip an usher twenty bucks to sit behind the dugout?
#LenSpeaks Flying back to LA, the Asian guy next to me is jostling me endlessly. I'm going to choke him until he looks like Eddie Cantor.
#LenSpeaks I thought that less than three people would get that joke. Amazingly, over ten did.
#LenSpeaks So there's a gay NBA player. He's old so that means the Lakers will be interested.
#LenSpeaks So much hoopla about this guy. One news service calls him a "NBA star."
#LenSpeaks Averaging two points a game. He sits next to the towels on the bench.
#LenSpeaks Koreans jam into Dodger Stadium on a night when pitcher Ryu is on the mound. Dogs all over Los Angeles sigh with relief.
#LenSpeaks RIP Deanna Durbin. Sending that news to the same people who got the Eddie Cantor joke.
Dinner last night: Leftover tortellini.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
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