Friday, May 17, 2013

Your Weekend Movie Guide for May 2013

Regular readers know that I like to post photos of movie palaces long since gone.  Well, guess what, gang?  The Wilshire Theatre shown above is still there!  It's now the Saban Theater and used for stage shows and...get this...high holy day services.   The feature on those days is apparently "How to Marry a Rabbi."

The film on this marquee was the very first wide screen movie.  A good reason to go out to see a cinematic treat.  These days, those reasons are few and far between.  You know the drill, folks.  I will sift through the movie pages of the LA Times and give you my gut reaction on what's dirtying the screens at all the non-movie palaces around town.  Spoiler alert: most of the films suck.

The Great Gatsby:  Most commonly asked question from his young target audience:  "It was a book?"

Iron Man 3:  Reviewed here earlier in the week.  A major time waster.  With emphasis on the word "waste."

The Company You Keep:  Reviewed here earlier in the month.  Act your age, Robert Redford.

42:  I've been busy.  Reviewed here last month.  A good movie.  Just don't expect it to be a perfect historical match.

The Place Beyond the Pines.  Not reviewed here, but I did see it.  A two-hour-plus look at crime and police corruption in America.  Just like your morning newspaper except without the Sudoku puzzle.

Pain and Gain:  Muscle-bound gym rats stage a heist.  Arrest the person at the box office first.  That's the one who sold you a ticket to this.

The Big Wedding:  Robert De Niro, Diane Keaton, Susan Sarandon, Robin Williams, and, from what I hear, No Script.

The Croods:  Hand reluctantly up.  Yes, I saw it.  There was a kid attached to the outing.  It's the Flintstones in 3-D.  Except there's no Ann Marg-rock.

Tyler Perry Presents Peeples:  I am longing for a month where Tyler Perry doesn't present a single thing.

Oblivion:  The end of the world....again.  With Tom Cruise and that pain in the ass Morgan Freeman.  When that old coot finally stops making movies, it will truly be the end of the world.

Scary Movie 5:  Who are the people going to see this franchise that warrant five different movies?  Please raise your hands.  I did for the Croods.

Olympus Has Fallen: ...and can't get up.

Disconnect:  Spoiler alert.  Will be reviewed here shortly.  But my thumb is up.  Now try to sue me for using that phrase, Roger Ebert.

The Iceman:   Don't goeth.

Deceptive Practices - The Mysteries and Mentors of Ricky Jay:  A documentary about the magician.  He should figure out how to make that bad hair do disappear.

Mud:  Two words guaranteed to keep me out of any movie.  Matthew McConaughey.

At Any Price:  Two more words guaranteed to keep me out of any movie.  Zac Efron.

Love Is All You Need:  It has nothing to do with the song.  It's a romantic comedy from Denmark starring Pierce Brosnan.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I actually have seen it...and, well, it's not worth reviewing for this blog.  

Kon Tiki:  No tiki, no movie.

The Reluctant Fundamentalist:  A young Pakistani man is chasing corporate success on Wall Street. He finds himself embroiled in a conflict between his American Dream, a hostage crisis, and the enduring call of his family's homeland.  It co-stars Keifer Sutherland so, hopefully, he simply shoots the cast in the first reel and everybody gets to go home.

Scatter My Ashes at Bergdorf's:  A documentary about the legendary NY store.  Already marked down.

Erased:   An ex-CIA agent and his estranged daughter are forced on the run when his employers erase all records of his existence, and mark them both for termination as part of a wide-reaching international conspiracy.  Sure, they'll make movies about this stuff, but nobody talks about Benghazi?

And Now a Word from Our Sponsor:  Some guy talks in advertising slogans.  "You can be sure" it sucks.

Something in the Air:  In the months after the heady weeks of May '68, a group of young Europeans search for a way to continue the revolution believed to be just beginning.  From France, so that must be the smell mentioned in the title.

The Sapphires:   It's 1968, and four young, talented Australian Aboriginal girls learn about love, friendship and war when their all girl group The Sapphires entertain the US troops in Vietnam.  Alternate title:  "The Lennon Sisters Go to War."

Star Trek Into Darkness:  I enjoyed the first film of the new reboot.  I am hoping this doesn't go the way of every other sequel.  Meanwhile, as long as Shatner's not in it, I'm good.

Frances Ha:  A story that follows a New York woman (who doesn't really have an apartment), apprentices for a dance company (though she's not really a dancer), and throws herself headlong into her dreams, even as their possible reality dwindles.  Doesn't sound like there's a single "ha" in it.

Black Rock:  Three young women go to a remote island and get hounded by three guys.  Beach Blanket Bingo with Knives and Guns.

33 Postcards:   Dean Randall has sponsored a young Chinese orphan Mei Mei for many years, when she arrives in Sydney out of the blue to thank him, their lives are changed forever.  And, in the role of Brian Keith, we have Guy Pearce.

The English Teacher:  An English teacher's life is disrupted when a former student returns to her small town after failing as a playwright in New York.  This sounds mildly interesting to me.  I must be getting soft.

State 194:  A look deep inside Israel and Palestine at the men and women trying to seize a historic opportunity to end the conflict and make implementing the two-state solution a reality.  Now here's a documentary I can't be bothered with.

Hating Breitbart:  A documentary about the late conservative blogger.  A fun fact:  he was the son-in-law of Orson Bean.  Insert your favorite "To Tell the Truth" joke here.

Stories We Tell:  A documentary from Sarah Polley and she peels back the layer of her own family.  The trailer looked oddly fascinating.

What Maisie Knew:  Is this the latest from Ann Sothern?

Pieta:  A loan shark is forced to reconsider his violent lifestyle after the arrival of a mysterious woman claiming to be his long-lost mother.   I don't see the word "statue" in that logline.

Dinner last night:  Had a big lunch, so just a sandwich and salad.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'd be up for "Stories We Tell" and Star Trek but not opening weekend.