Happy birthday, Ron Howard. A good guy. With or without hair.
752 BC: ROMULUS, LEGENDARY FIRST KING OF ROME, CELEBRATES THE FIRST ROMAN TRIUMPH AFTER HIS VICTORY OVER THE CAENINENSES, FOLLOWING THE RAPE OF THE SABINE WOMEN.
Naturally, the only words in the sentence that intrigue me are the last five.
86 BC: LUCIOUS CORNELIUS SULLA, AT THE HEAD OF A ROMAN REPUBLIC ARMY, ENTERS ATHENS, REMOVING THE TYRANT ARISTION WHO WAS SUPPORTED BY TROOPS OF MITHRIDATES VI.
293: EMPEROR DIOCLETIAN AND MAXIMIAN APPOINTS CHLORUS AND GALERIUS AS CAESARS.
Getting bored with this date in history.
317: CRISPUS AND CONSTANTINE II ARE MADE CAESARS.
Getting more bored.
350: VETRANIO IS ASKED BY CONSTANTINA TO PROCLAIM HIMSELF CAESAR.
1457: THE UNITA FRATRUM IS ESTABLISHED IN THE VILLAGE OF KUNVALD. IT IS TO DATE THE SECOND OLDEST PROTESTANT DENOMINATION.
Insert your favorite Baltimore Colts joke here.
1562: TWENTY-THREE HUGUENOTS ARE MASSACRED BY CATHOLICS IN FRANCE, MARKING THE START OF THE FRENCH WARS OF RELIGION.
How do they deal with that news at confession?
1565: THE CITY OF RIO DE JANEIRO IS FOUNDED.
Good. Now they have some place to have the Olympics in 2016.
1642: GEORGEANA, MASSACHUSETTS (NOW KNOWN AS YORK, MAINE) BECOMES THE FIRST INCORPORATED CITY IN THE UNITED STATES.
And how long before we have the first corrupt mayor?
1781: THE CONTINENTAL CONGRESS ADOPTS THE ARTICLES OF CONFEDERATION.
I wonder if our President knows about that.
1790: THE FIRST UNITED STATES CENSUS IS AUTHORIZED.
One, two, three, four...
1815: NAPOLEON RETURNS TO FRANCE FROM HIS BANISHMENT ON ELBA.
Okay, what did I miss?
1815: GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY'S CONGRESSIONAL CHARTER IS SIGNED INTO LAW BY PRESIDENT JAMES MADISON.
1845: US PRESIDENT JOHN TYLER SIGNS A BILL AUTHORIZING THE US TO ANNEX THE REPUBLIC OF TEXAS.
How do we get this reversed?
1868: THE PI KAPPA ALPHA FRATERNITY IS FOUNDED AT THE UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA.
First panty raid is when?
1872: YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK IS ESTABLISHED AS THE WORLD'S FIRST NATIONAL PARK.
Which means it probably has the first person to litter a national park.
1873: REMINGTON AND SONS IN NY BEGINS PRODUCTION OF THE FIRST PRACTICAL TYPEWRITER.
Qwerty Uiop Asd Fghjkl Zxcv Bnm.
1893: ELECTRICAL ENGINEER NIKOLA TESLA GIVES THE FIRST PUBLIC DEMONSTRATION OF RADIO IN ST. LOUIS.
Is this the same guy who's now making those cars? Gee, he's really old.
1896: HENRI BECQUEREL DISCOVERS RADIOACTIVE DECAY.
He should have brushed with Crest.
1904: BANDLEADER GLENN MILLER IS BORN.
Nine months earlier, his parents were obviously in the mood.
1910: ACTOR DAVID NIVEN IS BORN.
I loved him in "Guns of Navarone."
1914: SPORTSCASTER HARRY CARAY IS BORN.
So he croaked (1998) without ever seeing the Cubs win in the World Series. Ha!
1927: SINGER HARRY BELAFONTE IS BORN.
Daylight comes and he's here.
1932: CHARLES LINDBERGH'S SON IS REPORTEDLY KIDNAPPED.
We'll be removing the word "reportedly" in a week or two.
1936: THE HOOVER DAM IS COMPLETED.
1944: ROCK STAR ROGER DALTREY IS BORN.
1947: ACTOR ALAN THICKE IS BORN.
He just died, so a moment of silence. That plus I don't have a good Growing Pains joke.
1950: KLAUS FUCHS IS CONVICTED OF SPYING FOR THE SOVIET UNION BY DISCLOSING THE TOP SECRET ATOMIC BOMB DATA.
1953: SOVIET PREMIER JOSEPH STALIN SUFFERS A STROKE AND COLLAPSES.
He dies four days later. Yay!
1954: ACTOR RON HOWARD IS BORN.
But just what is Opie short for?
1961: US PRESIDENT JOHN KENNEDY ESTABLISHES THE PEACE CORPS.
Because his brother-in-law needed a job.
1962: AMERICAN AIRLINES FLIGHT 1 CRASHES ON TAKE OFF IN NEW YORK.
So, no meal?
1974: WATERGATE SCANDAL - SEVEN ARE INDICTED FOR THEIR ROLE IN THE WATERGATE BREAK-IN.
"I don't know what you're talking about."...Richard Nixon.
1984: ACTOR JACKIE COOGAN DIES.
A law in his name revolutionized how kid actors were used in Hollywood. But he's more well known for putting a light bulb in his mouth.
1988: ACTOR JOE BESSER DIES.
The fifth stooge.
1995: YAHOO! IS INCORPORATED.
I read about it on Google.
1998; "TITANIC" BECAME THE FIRST FILM TO GROSS OVER $1 BILLION WORLDWIDE.
Take that, you iceberg, you.
2005: IN ROPER VS. SIMMONS, THE US SUPREME COURT RULES THAT THE EXECUTION OF JUVENILES FOUND GUILTY OF MURDER IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL.
Roper? You mean the landlord on Three's Company?
2006: WIKIPEDIA REACHES ITS ONE MILLIONTH ARTICLE, JORDANHILL RAILWAY STATION.
As libraries close across America one at a time...
2012: PUBLISHER ANDREW BREITBART DIES.
Odd fact. His father-in-law is Orson Bean.
2013: ACTRESS BONNIE FRANKLIN DIES.
One day she shouldn't have taken.
2015: BASEBALL PLAYER MINNIE MINOSO DIES.
Don't you wish his wife was named Micki?
Dinner last night: BBQ chopped salad.