A Taxing Wednesday

If you're reading this and you still haven't sent in your taxes, you're late.

---Who the hell are those idiots that you see on the 11PM news on April 15, standing at the post office and mailing their tax returns? How freakin' disorganized are you?

---But those morons are still not as late as singer Dionne Warwick, who has piled up a delinquent tax bill of over 3 million bucks.

---Since she made a lot of that dough from that goofball psychic network, you would have thought that she saw this coming.

---She needs to say a little prayer and fast.

---In jail, the windows of the world have bars.

---Alfie didn't quite tell her what it was all about.

---With her one phone call out, she can send that message to Michael.

---Trains and boats and planes? How about a police car?

---She'll never fall in love again. Unless, of course, if it's with some burly cellmate named Hilda.

---Okay, I'll stop.

---Yeah, sure. Promises, promises.

---Speaking of prisons, the Mets' Johan Santana lost in his first NY appearance and promptly got booed by the Shea faithful. He had about 45 minutes of a free pass.

---He'll discover that the weather in Minnesota is not as cold as the fans in New York.

---If he think it's bad now, wait till he loses a game in Shitty Field next season where the ticket prices are probably going to be doubled.

---At Dodger Stadium on Sunday afternoon, the first pitch temperature was a toasty 93 degrees.

---Contrast that with the first pitch temperature on the same day back in Cleveland. A Popsicle stick-like 38 degrees.

---Despite the rotisserie oven heat, the crystal clear sky over Chavez Ravine created a picture perfect day with a glorious view of the San Gabriel Mountains. And, every once in a while, there was a wonderful breeze.

---Thanks to Andruw Jones swinging through a few more pitches. By the end of Sunday's game, he had struck out 11 times in his last 22 at bats. George Costanza didn't whiff that much.

---Andruw swung at one pitch that was so far away, it would have counted for three points at the Staples Center.

---At this rate, Adolf Hitler's My Space would get more hits than Andruw.

---Surely, the Dodgers could have bought a high-powered air conditioner for less than 18 million dollars. Best Buy has deals all the time.

---Then, in a temperature shift that would make Al Gore salivate, it was 55 degrees last night for Jackie Robinson Night at Dodger Stadium. Where this historic trailblazer was honored by Chaka Khan screeching her way through the National Anthem.

---Hey, Chaka, it's about the flag, not a disco ball!

---Reminded me of an industry party I went to about 20 years ago when Ms. Khan was so stoned on coke, she had to be propped up against furniture so she could stand.

---Not diminishing Jackie R at all, but does anybody realize that this guy doesn't get a sniff of the majors without being signed by Branch Rickey? A white man. In my mind, they both had a lot of guts.

---Hey, screw the tributes. The cool temps last night allowed me to savor one more time the Dodger Stadium Hot Chocolate. It is the absolute best cocoa I have ever had!

---So, the Pope is going to be bouncing the US this week. Time to Windex up that Popemobile.

---In New York, he'll be going to see Ground Zero and Yankee Stadium so he can get his Joba Chamberlain bobblehead.

---He needs to recruit better, since it's now official that there are more Muslims in the world than Catholics. That's odd since I think Muslims have to kneel down a whole lot more.

---That would be a dealbreaker for me. My ideal religion features no bending or eating restrictions.

---Hopefully, the Pope did not travel here via American Airlines. I have this mental picture of the guy on line at Burger King in JFK after his flight is cancelled.

---I've logged over 900,000 miles on American over the past ten years. Just what the hell have I been flying on? A piece of scrap metal and two bolts?

---American does have the oldest fleet of any airline. Would it kill them to go down to McDonnell Douglas and do a little window shopping on some of the newer models??

---You know all these costs will get dumped back on us. I can hear it now.

---"The 'American Way' magazine is available to all passengers at the price of $4.95."

---"Bathrooms are coin-operated and your flight attendant is equipped with several rolls of quarters if you need change."

---Of course, I am betting that we might be seeing less flight attendants. I can see my dilemma now.

---"Miss, my window's open."

---"That's not my aisle."

---See, I told you I could get through one of these rants without one single mention of the three stooges running for President.

Dinner last night: Super All Beef Dodger Dog and fries.